The first steps to reovery
Well, I cant say that I thought that I would be where I am today! Its probably a good place to start by talking about who I have been!.... For years I have worked with the Elderly. I have been a cleaner, but loved the work. I love being physically active, but more than that, I have loved providing a beautiful environment for the elderly who just cant do it for themselves anymore. I love older people. They coe from a different school of thought, they are more community minded and have brought so much job into my life!
I live with my partner, our three kids and three cats. Unfortunately, I was bullied at work. I thought that I could be the "bigger person" and just rise above it, but one day on the way to work, I pulled up in the car park and just simply couldn't get out of my car. It all went downhill from there......
I was also studying to be a nurse, so that I could work more closely with the elderly, and was getting top grades. Always above 95% for everything. I loved school, but the pressure was too much so I have had to defer.
Two months ago I tried to end my life, and then again about 4 weeks ago. I have the most amaziing partner and that is the only reason I didn't.
I have since come to decide that I now have six months on my hands to recover.... so I may aswell start up a charity to give to the homeless..... so that is my new mission... my new focus.... something that I can focus on that is positive and will make me feel good about myself.
I have had a really crappy life.... I have lived in refuges, on the streets, and did it very tough for many many years. I had a very abusive, traumatic childhood, but that is not what I am focussing on. That wont get me better. It is important to acknowledge what has happened, but more important to use it to help others.
I live with my partner, our three kids and three cats. Unfortunately, I was bullied at work. I thought that I could be the "bigger person" and just rise above it, but one day on the way to work, I pulled up in the car park and just simply couldn't get out of my car. It all went downhill from there......
I was also studying to be a nurse, so that I could work more closely with the elderly, and was getting top grades. Always above 95% for everything. I loved school, but the pressure was too much so I have had to defer.
Two months ago I tried to end my life, and then again about 4 weeks ago. I have the most amaziing partner and that is the only reason I didn't.
I have since come to decide that I now have six months on my hands to recover.... so I may aswell start up a charity to give to the homeless..... so that is my new mission... my new focus.... something that I can focus on that is positive and will make me feel good about myself.
I have had a really crappy life.... I have lived in refuges, on the streets, and did it very tough for many many years. I had a very abusive, traumatic childhood, but that is not what I am focussing on. That wont get me better. It is important to acknowledge what has happened, but more important to use it to help others.
Replies
I can \"feel\" the sincerity in your words of your affection for the elderly and it sounds like through your caring...you were accepted as part of the\"collective family\" and there you could just be who you were with them.....you have a good Heart ....despite all the crap,horror, and unrelenting abuse you\'ve endured. I\'m so sorry for your being bullied at work and for having clearly endured a horrific childhood......giving to others is a positive thing and it does help....but and I\'m just wanting to be real here and it\'s just my opinion, but I disagree...focusing on looking forward and the positive won\'t heal the broken parts inside...you say focusing on that (your tragic, abusive, traumatic childhood won\'t get you better)
Yes we must acknowledge what happened as being real....but that won\'t heal you. While I understand your logic and understand why you\'d like to believe it but I think you know on some level that to genuinely heal you must do exactly what you least want to do...that hurting child within needs to tell her story as best she can....you, adult you, allow the girl within tell what happened to her...but here\'s the tough part...for her to tell will take you back in memory and in doing, it all flows through the adult you...and it can be overwhelming as her feelings surface...fear, confusion, terror, pain, arousal, shame, anger etc.will feel like it\'s happening in real...remind yourself you are safe...it\'s just memory...memory stored in you body as well as your brain...when you express and feel them....you release suppressed and repressed energy.
Wanting to be a care giver is a beautiful thing down the road....but the most important giving you can do...is toward the wounded child and the the adult you.
It seems everything from the bullying, to what happened in school, to where you ended up in the hospital....are all messages that you must take care of you...., that it\'s time to begin the very difficult work of recover.
Obviously I could be wrong but I needed to put it out there for you to consider...I\'ll support you regardless....