The First's are Now Beginning

Good morning to all my friends on DS.  You have given me so much encouragement these past few weeks.  I am heading into my First's.  I hear those are some hard days.
Friday is my husband's birthday and Monday is mine, we always heard from Kenny but this year we won't.  This will be the first of many first to come.  I don't know how I will feel that day.  I some want to just take pills and sleep the day away, but that would not be good for my other kids.  They will call.  And I sure do not want to miss their calls.  Bad enough that my oldest son can't at least text me from Heaven.  Since God knows the future, one thing He should had done was have had it where our children could text us.  My son would text rather than call most of the time.  During the time he was in the hospital, his wife and I kept in contact by text all day, all night to update Ken's conditions.  Before Ken lost his ability to talk or form his words last Feb he was telling me that I should change my phone plan for unlimited text.
Finally, I did but it was after he could not text anymore.  But he knew it would save his mom some money.  He was always looking out for me trying to save money.  The month before I changed my phone plan I had overage of my text to his wife of S$75.00  now I don't but like his wife said when we look at the phone bill now there are very few text listed.  But it was a good plan and I have Ken to think for that.
Ken always came up with new things and soon as we would go visit him, he would show me his new thing he had found.  He would start out by saying we got something new and when you see it your gonna want one.  He was right on that.  I would always like the new product and I would buy it.  I can only remember one thing that I never bought.  It was some kind of cooker.  My son was always thinking of me that was so sweet of him.
Since we had lived in different states after he got married, I am so thankful that I was able to not work and to visit him often.  I actually saw him more than I do the kids that live close by.  We have all the holidays here together.  That was one thing we didn't have with Ken, the holidays.  He never came back home for them. But I always went to see them after the holidays.
We always had good time together when we got to visit.  He always would search out new places to eat and be so excited to take me there, I can hear him now say, Mom, I found this new place to eat and your gonna love it and I did.  I loved all the places he would find before we went to visit.
So this weekend will be the first things since he went to Heaven.  I will get through them but I know I will be said.  But I know if he could he would tell me Happy Birthday Monday.  That I could count on for sure.
Love you Kenny, mom
Sandi

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

I feel this totally in my spirit.....Ken will \"text\" you. A text is simply a different way of communicating with someone. I would bet the farm that Ken will find a way to text you....perhaps using a license plate or a bumper stick on a car...but there will be a message. I also think you will continue to discover new places to eat, seemingly out of the blue. These were your special ways of communicating/being with Kenny, and they will remain so. I\'m always interested and amazed at the ways our children communicate with us. It\'s always unique to the relationship we have with them. I can\'t wait to hear how Kenny spoke to you....if it hasn\'t happened yet, it\'s coming mom, I just know it is. I wouldn\'t be surprise if you turn a corner one day and see a new restaurant opening up...named Kenny\'s Place. Look for his texts mom, you will see them. Sending you much love and peace, Teri.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Any special events are really hard without our children to share them. Kenny sounds as though he was so special to you and really connected to you spiritually. He\'ll find a way to be with you. These next few days will be rough but your lovely family will help you. My warmest and kindest wishes are with you. Sandi
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thinking of you as you have firsts, my birthday was just 13 days after I lost Chris, I did not want to celebrate, but our dear friends, our non-related family and my family decided to have a quiet dinner . It was wonderful to be surrounded by love and care. I wish that for you and your husband. Wendy
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

I love that even though you know you\'re heading into a tough few days you are doing it with grace, strength, humor and faith. Love your comments about texting and I\'m sure Teri is right ~ you will receive some sort of \"text\" from Kenny.

My birthday was three weeks after we lost Corrie and then my father died on my birthday. He had been suffering from Parkinson\'s for many years and was getting ready to go anyway. His mind was still all there and he was very worried about me after losing Corrie. After the initial rage at the unjustice of it all on my birthday, I felt peace and comfort, knowing that my father had passed on my birthday as his final gift to me ~ to reassure me that Corrie would not be alone and that he would be caring for her. I love sharing my birthday with my father\'s angel day.

I\'ll be thinking of you over the weekend.

Love and hugs ~ Debbie
Sandi2947
Sandi2947

How beautiful all you have shared with me. I will look for the sign from my beloved son that is for sure. Thanks to all you lovely thoughts.
Sandi
deleted_user
deleted_user

From your journal I can tell that your son Kenny was a very thoughtful son. I know he will be with you in spirit on your special days to make them even more special. Would you consider being my friend. Sincerely, BarbaraWawa
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY

nobody can take away the memories.
annsullivan
annsullivan

Don\'t worry Kenny will find a way to wish you a Happy Birthday - just be open to the signs. Memories are a wonderful thing - they are just about the only thing no one can take from you - enjoy them....
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t beleive the connection between mother and child is ever broken. When I feel like I can\'t go on another minute during the bad days, I always feel Yolanda near me. I dream of her or I see something that reminds me so much of her that I know it is more than coincidence. They are never far from us. The firsts are harder in our minds than in reality. We feel it will be bad and so it is. I don\'t know how to stop it from happening, but I do understand it. hugs j
ihart
ihart

I hate those dreaded firsts and there seems to be so many of them. Happy birthday my friend. Hugs, Inga