The final stretch??
One week left before the D-day in court. I dont see it getting resolved then, but I am by no means a legal scholar. Long and bumpy, like a well fed snake, this metaphorical road goes on. It has been hell on earth the last 12 months. Ashamed, bitter, angry, fearful are just a few words to described me one year ago. I was in denial about my drinking. It took a shot in the heart to snap a healthy dose of reality into my cluttered head. My kids were taken away. I must do what ever it takes to get them back. Honestly, it was the least of my problems. I had to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober. No one said it was going to be easy. Evil has a way of getting at a person. I let it. I also did the next right thing and I am very sober because of it. Lessons learned have done so at cost. I am sober now, nothing will change that. I know that without that I have nothing. My day in court is fast appoaching. Regardless, I am better from it all. I will just have to deal with "life," sober life, when a determination is made. I know I have but control over one thing and that is my faith. I chose to believe.
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Your words could not have come at a better time. I am still fighting the demon. Just today a friend sent me an e-mail about God & Jesus and what happens when you deny them. I invite them into my life, and then the devil alcohol creeps in. I have decided that when I feel the urge to drink I should replace it with the need to pray. I am not there yet, but I am trying. I hope to be able to say I am 11 months sober like you... in 11 months. Your relationship with your children can and will be re-established. It will come. Patience is a virtue.... Unfortunately it is a well documented fact I do not have the patience God gave a doorknob... He is just trying to teach me. And I pray with all my heart I do not have to lose so much to learn the lesson. Thank you Joe for helping me with my path to sobriety. It is especially difficult on for me because so much of my life ~ family, friends, husband is built on alcohol. I feel like if I give up alcohol I will be alone on an island. But this is what needs to be. And if relationships fall because I am getting sober... that is what needs to happen. It is hard. It is hard to think I will not be able to \"hang out\" with my parents because I cannot drink. It is hard to know I cannot go to lunch with my girlfriends because I cannot drink. It is hard to know I cannot attend well worn traditional events because everyone there will be drinking... and none of these are drinking in a \"social\" sense. These are all events and people getting drunk, not for fun. I feel like I am the only noticing the damage all this drinking is doing. When I try and speak to my family and \"friends\" about the damage I feel is being done I am shunned. When I try to go to events and not drink... I am shunned. I feel like I will lose everthing if I quit... but I KNOW I will lose everything if I don\'t quit drinking. It is not a pretty place between the rock and a hard place. But I know I am a better woman than all of this. And I know God wants me to do and be better.... He does not want me to feel like, and frankly act like, crap all the time. I know your troubles are deep and hard, but know this, your honesty has helped me. Maybe, maybe, that can help just the littlest bit.
And you will have a better relationship with your children...someday. I KNOW that.
God Bless You Joe
Sincerely,
Daisy