the feeling of abandonment...

I feel so abandoned when he gets quiet. I try to put myself in his shoes. Try to imagine what he is going through. I realize he cannot cater to my needs. He needs to focus on what he needs to get done. I just wish he could call me more. I wish he'd write more. I wish he'd let me come see him. When it gets quiet I imagine him never coming back. I imagine and doubt and feel like its all going to end. He's the love of my life. I keep being annoying to him because he isn't calling and catering to me but I am being selfish. I know that. I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to step back and think of what this is doing to him and how he is feeling. He is strong and I need to be strong to get him through this but what if I can't be strong. I can wait for him faithfully. That I can do. What if I can't not freak out when he goes quiet? Why can't I be patient and wait until he calls. One day is too long for me. I am not adjusting to this well at all. Many things can break a relationship and being a constant drama/annoyance is one of them... I don't want that to be the reason we don't make it. I love him more than anything in the world. He knows that.. I don't know what to do. i don't know how to feel. I don't want to think, or feel, or talk... I want it all to be over and him be back where he belongs... with me... wherever that is... I fear writing him my thoughts afraid that I will say the wrong things... I just don't know how to handle this. Why did I do better with this before? Why can't i give him his space and time and control of when he calls me and how much time? I become a basketcase when one day goes by and I hear nothing... I need to adjust better and I just can't figure out how to do that. Night falls and I cry. I am attempting to get a 2nd job to fill my time. I go to the gym but that doesn't do much... I don't know..I'm out of ideas...