the ex factor

In my last post someone brought up a great point.i talked about the cause of my depression and that part of it could be from my breakup in febuary. tonight, i went on a wonderful date with this police officer i am dating. but, as soon as he left, i started thinking about my ex and getting depressed. i just thought about how when we first met, we clicked immediately and just got eachother. but, with this guy there are so many awkward moments where we have nothing to say. i just cant help but compare the guys i date to him. i know its wrong and i should just forget him because he caused me nothing but pain. he broke my heart. i have tried to just let it go, but everything reminds me of him. i wish that we never met.i started getting depressed while we were still together because he wasnt giving me what i needed. he was emotionally distant. i tried to talk to him about it and it just started going downhill from there . i did get kinda clingy bc i knew he was pulling away. i did blame myself for it, but i know its not my fault. he was the one that didnt communicate his feelings, not me. i just want to forget him and move on. he wasted my time. why am i still sad about this? i guess its bc i loved him so much and had no idea he didnt really love me, he said he did, but he lied.he was too scared to hurt my feelings. i was going crazy thinking that i was the problem. lol so, i got depressed. then i thought the depression was the reason he was acting weird. but i realized i was depressed because he was acting weird. he wasnt affectionate at all, i had a talk with him about that. i thought, maybe that is just how he is. haha no. he was too scared to tell me he wanted out and so i was doing online research about guys not being affectionate and all this shit, i tried to do things to make our time together more exciting, but after we broke up, the fog lifted and i felt so stupid for no seeing it. now, even though i detest him, i still long for that kind of connection with someone. he was funny and witty, and he just  was too smart for his own good.the guys i meet now just bore me. i have always been attracted to guys with really big  personalities. they are just few and far between now that i live in the country.