The evening

Still the attitude, blowing raspberries (not the cute kind), yelling at me, but otherwise not too bad. Today we went to the park with the bf and two of his boys. She is supposed to be doing homework, but we'll see how the rest of the night goes. 
 
I talked to him about rings. I wonder if he even remembers. I know there is a lawyer appointment tomorrow, trying, trying to push forward. Can he see me? Can he see how I might feel? I don't know. 
 
Last night was bad. I couldn't sleep, mind racing. I actually started sobbing from the racing thoughts, the pain of being tired, but unable to sleep, and the pain of all the other stuff crashing in. I don't even know where to start. There is just too much, too much pain, too much abuse, loss, abandonment, lies, betrayal. It literally drives me mad.