The End of the Book

 
The following is my remaining notes from "Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage":
 
Here's the "Survival Strategy" chart:
 
Survival Strategy/Relational Energy/ Heart Condition /Blind to /Heart Noise
 
Give in /Yield /numb /despair/ muted
 
Get away/ Escape/ Apathetic /Deception /Silent
 
Get Even/ Attack /Bitter /self-righteous /roaring
 
Get Attention/ Consume/ Fearful/ desparation/ moaning
 
Thoughts I related to:
 
self-righteousness
at the end of self
what do I not want to be anymore?
feelings, attitudes
Ps. 51:10
attitudes & treatment of others
 
Strategies:
 
acknowledge pain without attack
don't respond out of anger/pain
accept who they are (freedom to be themselves): what they want, how they think, their views, their responses. Don't require them to be anything other than themselves.
This does not mean: don't talk about problems, don't discuss affects, put life on hold.
They are not able or willing to change; have no interest in cooperating with God's will.
Be willing to give up on own agenda to try to change others, but not on the hope that they might change.
Disengage from destructive qualities; engage from strength, not weakness.
"How you want to use me is your business; but how I allow you to engage me is my business"
Disengage from your own corruption; don't allow corruption to have control
Accept the disappointment/burden; allow others to accept their own disappointments/burdens.
 
"Ultimate Key" - it's not about you, it's about God.
 
***
 
So there it is. I've finished the book. Overall, it does address heart issues. The main point being: be right in your heart, be right with God.
 
However, I do have to say that the ending (last chapter was about the thriving part) was pretty anti-climactic. First of all, there's all this build-up to the "ultimate key", which is basically just a "pat answer". And I say that mainly because they spent A LOT of time analyzing, but not a lot of time explaining this answer. Secondly, they never explained the difference between the "get away" survival strategy & thriving. I suppose that's implied in that it all depends on what your ultimate motive is. But I really wanted this more in depth.
 
I guess the thriving part can probably be summed up best as "get a life & enjoy it, in spite of your spouse." Bottom line on the book is: I think all but the last chapter would be a great segueway into Karla Downing's book in that they first address the heart issues & she addresses mostly strategy.
 
Next up: Leslie Vernick's "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship." I think that will be helpful on many fronts!