The end of Summer

The month of August was always a good month for me.  Well with everything else in my life the month of August now sucks.  My 33rd wedding anniversary just past.  August was also the month that started changing my life as I knew it.  Last August my Randy went in the hospital for a hopefull treatment so slow down his lung cancer.  The side effects of the treatment were blood clots, lung collapsing and infection.  My Randy got all!!!  Blood clots formed in his lungs and his heart, his lung collapsed sending him back in the hospital for a 2 week stay in ICU where he developed the cdiff infection.  Since the hospital did all they could, they allowed Randy to come home with a load of medication and to be in my care with the help of wonderful nurses.  Needless to say I lost Randy on September 17, 2009. 
So my August will now always be the beginning of my end instead of the start of our lives together.  After a year I thought my tears would've slowed down, they haven't.  After a year I thought I wouldn't be in such pain, my heart still hurts.  After a year I thought it would be a little easier, it isn't.  I miss Randy every day, every hour, every minute, every second.  I miss our life together.  I love you honey.