The end of Summer
The month of August was always a good month for me. Well with everything else in my life the month of August now sucks. My 33rd wedding anniversary just past. August was also the month that started changing my life as I knew it. Last August my Randy went in the hospital for a hopefull treatment so slow down his lung cancer. The side effects of the treatment were blood clots, lung collapsing and infection. My Randy got all!!! Blood clots formed in his lungs and his heart, his lung collapsed sending him back in the hospital for a 2 week stay in ICU where he developed the cdiff infection. Since the hospital did all they could, they allowed Randy to come home with a load of medication and to be in my care with the help of wonderful nurses. Needless to say I lost Randy on September 17, 2009.
So my August will now always be the beginning of my end instead of the start of our lives together. After a year I thought my tears would've slowed down, they haven't. After a year I thought I wouldn't be in such pain, my heart still hurts. After a year I thought it would be a little easier, it isn't. I miss Randy every day, every hour, every minute, every second. I miss our life together. I love you honey.
So my August will now always be the beginning of my end instead of the start of our lives together. After a year I thought my tears would've slowed down, they haven't. After a year I thought I wouldn't be in such pain, my heart still hurts. After a year I thought it would be a little easier, it isn't. I miss Randy every day, every hour, every minute, every second. I miss our life together. I love you honey.
Replies
Hi Dawn...your story pretty much mirrors mine, although my loss happened only two and a half months ago. You lost Randy on September 17th, and my Barbara\'s 58th birthday is on September 22nd. As this milestone approaches, please know that I am here and that I offer you my friendship as we suffer our loss...........Joe....:-)
dawn we all have the months and days and weeks that hit home of our loss but know that you always are a click away from venting or talking to someone in your time of sadness warm big big hugs
Dawne,
I wish I could ease your pain and if it helps by venting to me or others, go for it. That is why we came to this site, to seek out advice and friendships that can make our lives easier.
We will be here for you.
Dan
Our love for them will never fade, even though material things might. Wishing you all the best now that August has passed. Hugs, Kip.
Sorry you are revisiting the \"beginning of the end\". I thought at first it would be easier after the first year. I am over 7 months but after reading other\'s journals, I realize that the journey lasts much longer than just a year. Sending you a hug and the hope that as more time goes by......the road will become easier to travel.
Hugs, Dianne
Dawn, I am sorry for your pain. I understand how you feel when you said \"August will now always be the beginning of my end instead of the start of our lives together\" because that is exactly what I think about the month of September. My wedding anniversary was September 17th and so next Friday we would\'ve been together for 27 years. Jim passed away on September 29th and it\'ll soon be one whole year since my world has changed. Like you, September \"will now always be the beginning of my end.\" It\'s all so sad but I do believe the road ahead will get easier someday...perhaps we just need a little more time.....
Sending hugs and prayers your way. Donna
Your journal brings tears to my eyes. Dawn, I am so sorry and I understand how you feel. After Dan was diagnosed I only had him for 8 months. My thoughts and prayers for you. Hugs, Sue
Hey Dawn, Tomorrow is a really rough one just like that thanksgiving, Christmas Eve,day..new years.. That dam new years...and all those other road bumps you had to hurl yourself over..my heart breaks for you and all the widows/widowers here...as I read them all in tears...I can see that there is so much hopelessness..so much lonliness...please Dawn let me be an example of \"No one knows for sure what tomorrow brings\" just like we could never imagine living today without them..we cant predict whats to come for anyone here...life has a weird way of turning itself around and making us better..I am proof...I believe I have lived 2 lives..and both of those lives being so special...the life with Jay that I will never forget and cherish and now my life with Mike that is exciting and wonderful. My point being that someday, somewhere you will look in the mirror at Dawn and you will be able to say..The weight has gotten lighter and I am getting stronger...but not yet..remember we talked about those baby steps..well from the outside looking in those babysteps have moved you forward..I told you how proud I am of you..and I am..Randy would never want you to sit home alone night after night in tears..he is smiling down at his Dawn for trying to find a way to continue on even if is the most difficult journey of your life...Just keep doing what your doing...I am convinced God has a plan for you too..I am not sure what it is but if he did it for me..then why not for you too...love you Dawn and Live life on his behalf..laugh for him..love deeply for him and do the same for you too.