the end is near...? (for my poor cat)
only two years of my cat and me in my new town and new apt....Monday might be my cat's last trip to vet.
Good (lousy) friday of me on bike to vet, make monday appointment to check cat's blood work, maybe a few days iv at vet---though also maybe last trip, if cat's bloodwork numbers too high. asked today about creamation costs.
thursday, of last week, spent 300 dollars on poor cat---with him not bouncing back fully....he threw up # times monday this week...with me hoping was side effects to antiboitics.
yesterday, thursday, week after i brought him home, to vet, and got appetite pills, after i said cat wasnt eating...today two hours on shared computer down hall from my apt where i live to look up liver disease...no appetite, lost weight in just a few days, head held up while trying to nod out....on and on bad signs.
on computer while couple dozen elderly tenants in friday coffee clutch down hallway...enough of the 70, 80, year olds in this building don't seem to like me, maybe cause at age 58 i might be youngest in this building...but my nerves are shot, have been for decades, no family, no friends, no car, no phone, no money, so i qualify for "disabled" for this building.
always always always some sort of holiday for a pet to be sick, or for some dental problem for me---i even wrote down a page of "let the curse be lifted". And, today rare, rare, event of being on shared hallway computer in daytime, and unshaved, greasy hair, no socks, cried in private; takes such an emergency for me to have some sort of backbone, not be ashamed of being alive.
christianity, which i've read LOTS about, and have bad memories of my worthless drunken idiot dad caring about being a big shot at church vs treating me like zero.....and "pagan" omens this month: two seperate store bought $1 calenders, on one a lookalike photo of poor gray cat i put to sleep in 2006, on other cat calender a lookalike photo of present cat i got as replacement in 2006. (2) tarot of misfortune past, malady present, letter future. (3) overheard # strangers talking of their gone cats (4) today local paper online of dead cat found at school i went to as a kid!
"everything works if you let it" cheap trick song as though religious mantra....did take this long, of obsessive thoughts, to forget throwing all my stuff out as bad reminders when worst happens---instead go to shelter where i got my poor cat and get another...yes, that quick, right after worst happens...pretend new cat is my present cat; get another cat thats been at shelter the longest.
can be very glad my cat at least eating on friday, and hopefully to monday...and can get car ride from woman in building to vet and shelter afterward....and made sure to put my last money down at vet, so they dont think i'm gonna stiff them for hundeds of dollars.
selfish of me to be on this site after a year off, but i need this "letter" after "misfortune" and "malady"....wish i would have taken better care of my cat.
Replies
I am so sorry for your grief. I know what it is to lose a beloved pet under traumatic circumstances. If getting a replacement right away works for you, then by all means do it! This life is so hard and sad. It is always one crisis after another. As for older people not liking you, I am 71 and I like you !!!!
Thanks, again.
I'm glad the 65 year old woman in my apt, who is very religious and also collects swords and knives!, will be taking me to the vet monday, and maybe the shelter afterwards.
Some people in this building on oxygen, and look as though they are in the twilight zone from years of pain; just a few months of a torn muscle made me look similar at the time.
I'm glad for a very friendly bus driver; i talked to him a few minutes ago on ride from walmart to home. He mentioned cliche of a widow who found a new bf months after her husband dying, with me saying that's really the best way to go; you love a person or a pet very much, and you deal with the very real loss by quickly finding a new person or pet.
When my mom died in an Allentown Pa hospital, the coronor at the hospital drive me 25 miles to my hometown, otherwise i'd been waiting five hours for the bus; got home and stared at the walls, no visitors, she was the last relative for me to be around, back in 2001. At least today I had a good cry at vet, with semi-stranger in building elevator, and with woman to drive me to vet; gave the bus driver a disc of my cat photos and a walmart sandwhich for listening to me.
Another omen: my dad killed himself at age 58; when i turned 58 last december i worried something bad would happen, though i'd probably be just as upset if months from now at age 59 i'd have to deal with this poor cat.
first it is not selfhish of you being back on after being .. gone it is good you came back when you needed to ..........welcome back ........so sorry ....about your cat .....I just lost my dog last month ......we got a new one .......have you ever tried to just get a new cat and not try to replace the one you lost but rember the one you lost .......get a younger cat so you will have them longer ...........................animals are all diferant ...have there little ways ...if you pay attention ...as I am sure you do .....it might be easer on you .....that way ......when I lost my puppy last month....he was 12 ...we got a new one ..ges is 13 months ......at first I was pretending he was the other one and than when I relized what I was doing I stoped I dident think it was fair to eart Her of them and not healthy for my self .......we need to go through the greaf proses ......and a new animal can realy help with that ...............if you let them .........it has realy help us ....but we will never got get our other pets only rember ..the good times .....with them ...............I am greatful for the good people who helped you ......take very good care of your self ......God bless .....
I was brought up calothic but when I was 8 and could understand what the prist was saying ...how he was talking about God ...I stoped lisining ...he wasent talking about the God I knew ........I don't go to church but I am very spiritual .......church worked very well for my grandmother ..she was a beautiful loving person ...she would hold us by our faces and kiss us on the forehead a say God bless you .........and mean it ..with all her heart .....when I say it I mean it ...with all my heart ...
thank you, muskrattinger
it's amazing how my cat went from being on death's door all weekday, to being normal enough on weekend...i'm willing to accept it as some positive thinking / positive people miracle.
i will be watching my cat closely, and have to apologize on monday to vet's secretary after crying to her on friday but both are preferable to what could have happened.
i think too, i haven't gotten over my mom dying in hospital in 2001; she in hospital 25 miles away for two months, with me having to take her off life support; me taking the bus back and forth with almost no money to my name, and nobody for emotional support.