The Disagreement Continues!

Thursday, March 12, 2009 – 3:35 P.M.  Many thanks to those of you who left comments regarding my journal entry of Tuesday. I also appreciate the many hugs.   I am still very displeased and unhappy over the events that took place on Monday. The one good thing is that my blood pressure has finally gotten back to normal.   I must admit, that ever since my brother and I began having family conferences together, part of me was waiting for him to try and pull something such as he did on Monday. Well, at least, that feeling I had was not in vain. I am not totally crazy.   Yesterday afternoon, I saw my psychologist, Dr. Martin. It took me no time at all to begin blurting out the anger that was inside of me. She said that she was happy to hear me express it so readily. Dr. Martin said that she could not remember my brother having said that he was ashamed to be seen with me in public. I adamantly pointed out that I heard him say it twice. I also told Dr. Martin that the way I felt yesterday, I was seriously considering stopping the joint counseling sessions with my brother.   Upon hearing that, Dr. Martin said that she did not want me to stop the counseling sessions. She said that it was important for me to continue with them. I replied that I would have to give that a great deal of thought. I wish that I had also told her, that I had felt as though my brother was abusing me, both orally and emotionally. I do not care what anyone says, but I am not going to let him continue doing that in the future.   While I was seeing her, she made a call to Dale, and left a message telling him that I was seeing her at that very moment and that I was upset at what had occurred. I also told Dr. Martin that I had heard my brother say two other things about me, but that I had not exactly heard what they were. She enlightened me about that.   Apparently, my brother was not happy after our last meeting, when I refused to answer one of his questions until I did some processing and talked with Dr. Martin. (Maybe he does not know the meaning of processing.) She also heard him say that he and his family were upset, because whenever any of them asked me a question, I took too long in answering it. Personally, I think that is my business rather than his! If I am accustomed to taking a few minutes or longer, why should I do otherwise in order to please him?   After I got home yesterday afternoon, and was preparing to eat dinner, the phone rang. It was Dale calling me in response to the phone call from Dr. Martin. He said that he needed to see me and we agreed on a time for next Monday morning.   He said he thought that I was doing extremely well in our counseling sessions with my brother. He also said that what he had heard was a nice talk between two brothers. Dale quoted certain things that he said my brother and I had both stated. According to him, none of them said anything about my brother being ashamed to be seen with me in public. I told him he was quite wrong about that.   Dale and I talked for about 20 minutes, but I never gave up on what I heard from my brother. Dale also said that he could look up the exact quotation that my brother had made. In a short burst of anger, I asked if he had been taping our sessions without our knowing about it. He replied that he just had a good memory for listening, and could write most things down within an hour of hearing them. He also said that during our next counseling session with my brother, we needed to get a clarification of exactly what it was that he said to me.   Because I did not feel as though I was getting anywhere with Dale, I finally cut our conversation short. I will be there Monday morning, as promised, but as far as future sessions with my brother are concerned, Dale is going to have to do one hell of a sales pitch!   I have been in a serious state of depression ever since Monday. It is hard for me to get any sleep at night, and just as hard for me to keep from sleeping during the day. It feels as though my days and nights are all mixed up.   My energy level is not what I think it should be. I doubt if that is going to change until I managed to get rid of a certain amount of the pain, hurt, and anger, which I sustained on Monday.   I may be down, but I am not out. If my brother had been hoping for a knockout blow, he must have been sorely disappointed!