The Depression Darkness is looming again....
The last two weeks have been clouded in the darkness of depression. Pulling at me and covering me in the dark. I was fighting it, like I have always done! Then I decided I had to STOP fighting it and just go with the flow of it. I slept more than I was awake. And it was very hard to just go with it, since I have always fought it. When I felt the deep tired and drained feeling, I went to my bed and went to sleep. I didn't feel like getting up, but would have no choice at time. Like, needing to use the bathroom and my chronic pain would force me to get up and move. I would sleep a few hours and then be awake two hours max and then sleep a few more hours, over and over all day and night each day! I would befell decent for 2-3 hours at night then I could feel the darkness cover me again. Drain me! On edge, irritable and unable to tolerate normal things like a child yelling or the smart mouth of my adult son. The feeling of being sucked down deeper and deeper until I would finally just go back to my bed.
i have fought with this darkness my entiif elite, even as a child. It is genetic since I know my mother has fought it her entire life as well! The problem is fighting it! The only way out of each dark cloud is to allow yourself to do what your body wants. You feel deeply exhausted and tired..... Go to sleep! As hard as it is, in those moment clarity, repeat something positive! The days or weeks it takes will be reduced once we can allow ourselves to just listen to our body and just rest. I can hear my voice saying all the things that need to be done, and it becomes a tug of war inside our mind! So I have picked what absolutely has to be done, which is making sure everyone has some clothes to wear. I throw in a load of laundry and go back to sleep. When I wake, I move it to the drier. Then it is done and I tell everyone where to find the clothes and I go back to bed.
Today, after finally allowing myself two days to just sleep when I felt the need, I feel much better! I am getting to get out of the house today too, which is another thing that helps the darkness. Our anniversary is Monday, but he is off today, so we are seeing a movie and having a nice meal. My anxiety fears what I will feel while out, but I also feel excited to get out of this darkness and have a distraction. Most of the time I can keep the darkness at bay, by always having a craft project to work on and keeping my mind busy. However, sometimes like this time, I couldn't even think of a thing to do much less want to do anything. That's OK! Allow yourself that! Go with the flow of it all. You won't end up worse off as we all fear. You will be allowing your body and mind the rest it needs to re cooperate and get back to normal!!! I get to see a movie for the first time in 3D, well I saw Jaws in 3D back in the 80's, but I am sure this new 3D will be amazing! What am I going to see? World War Z in 3D.....lol! I love The Walking Dead so why not!
i have fought with this darkness my entiif elite, even as a child. It is genetic since I know my mother has fought it her entire life as well! The problem is fighting it! The only way out of each dark cloud is to allow yourself to do what your body wants. You feel deeply exhausted and tired..... Go to sleep! As hard as it is, in those moment clarity, repeat something positive! The days or weeks it takes will be reduced once we can allow ourselves to just listen to our body and just rest. I can hear my voice saying all the things that need to be done, and it becomes a tug of war inside our mind! So I have picked what absolutely has to be done, which is making sure everyone has some clothes to wear. I throw in a load of laundry and go back to sleep. When I wake, I move it to the drier. Then it is done and I tell everyone where to find the clothes and I go back to bed.
Today, after finally allowing myself two days to just sleep when I felt the need, I feel much better! I am getting to get out of the house today too, which is another thing that helps the darkness. Our anniversary is Monday, but he is off today, so we are seeing a movie and having a nice meal. My anxiety fears what I will feel while out, but I also feel excited to get out of this darkness and have a distraction. Most of the time I can keep the darkness at bay, by always having a craft project to work on and keeping my mind busy. However, sometimes like this time, I couldn't even think of a thing to do much less want to do anything. That's OK! Allow yourself that! Go with the flow of it all. You won't end up worse off as we all fear. You will be allowing your body and mind the rest it needs to re cooperate and get back to normal!!! I get to see a movie for the first time in 3D, well I saw Jaws in 3D back in the 80's, but I am sure this new 3D will be amazing! What am I going to see? World War Z in 3D.....lol! I love The Walking Dead so why not!
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