The Decision-June 13th,2008

I have made a painful decision and one that I have been thinking for some time.I am not going back to the choir and if fact I never want to go back.Every Christmas since 2002 I have been a Bell Ringer for the Salvation Army and this income fof 3 weeks lasts me for 5 months.However,this Xmas I was told that certain people in the choir are ashamed of what I am doing and they do not want to be seen with me and that hurt.I have always been a law abiding citizen and I have minded my business.I have tried to be nice and I try to keep in touch.Noone knows the pain that I am going through all because of Franks death.I am in so much pain that I am about to cry all day.And I am in so much pain now that I could just also sleep.You see with these people here they live in a vacuum.I do not smoke,drink or take drugs and there are certain places in seattle I do not go why? Because I cannot afford them and the places that I used to go are closed.I have got no interest in going to these nightclubs here.And I will tell you why.I do not drive and the buses here some just run until 12 o clock.Noone in their right mind leaves a nightclub at midnight.But I have to take 2 buses and this bus also runs to 12.Because of the gas prices here,everyone who drives a car now is taking the bus.In fact,some of the buses have been added just to accomdoate these people.Going home the other day it was standing room only.And it was not this way before.It is only these few months.And the other day on the bus..all of the seats were full and I had to share a seat,something that I have never done.I was told that i was getting back 300.00-big deal! But I need this to pay off some of these mounting bills and I will be lucky if I have had 5.00 left! All I can say is that grief hurts and it is killing me..But the biggest thing that I have found out--noone really cares.All people care today is what Paris Hilton hair extensions.May I ask a very stupid question--What has ParisHilton done anyway? Will anyone explain to this person here..what does she do? She looks like a weasel and I have not read that she has done something for charity.And come to think of it..what has that Lindsay done also? So lets help some of these women here-the Afro -American women who are having it hard raising their children and the our soldiers ,what about them does anyone care? Why do i care a lot about money.I will tell you why.In the early 1960s I lost someone to a woman who had money.He was having a very bad drug problem and I couldnt afford the rehab and he married her with this money and they are still together and he has straighten out.Money will bring happiness to me and I can get the plastic surgery that I want.I have got a favorite actress that I want to look like and that is Jaclyn SMith.Thanks.Bye to all.Happy Fathers day!