The dark side of my life...

I know I post alot on here... But I just got to let this out, it's eating at me.... I keep having flash backs about my disfunctional family. My uncle, my cousin, my dad, my mom, my sisters.... Everyone that has ever hurt me. I hate them... Everything started when I was 4. My brother and my dad were in the kitchen.. I was standing by the sliding door. I couldn't decide if I wanted to go out or not. My dad made that decision for me, he kicked me. I fell on my face on the hard cold cement. I layed there crying as he laughed. My brother turned his back on us. He didn't do anything, he was to scared. Then I remember the countless nights of beating after beating. My sister used to hit me and then my dad would yell at me. " Stop hitting your sister!" I would tell him that I didn't do it. He would yell at me for lying and then the merciless swings of his fists came... " please daddy! Stop it!" He hit me harder, til I would shut up. It's like he was trying to beat me to death... He would beat me and my sister but she had a plan. She always blamed me for everything. I remember him banging our heads into a wall. First my sister and then it was my turn. I remember the pain and then I remember getting dizzy and going uncontious.. I remember waking up on my bed. I wasn't allowed to cry. Mommy was always at work, sometimes she witnessed the beatings but she just sat there or went to another room. She didn't care. Then i turned 6 I was confused, I was told that daddy was trying to protect us. He hurt us to protect us... Bullshit! I remember us going to a family party. My cousin was there. He followed me everywhere always there to "help". He kept touching my chest and my butt. He also held my hand. He even asked me to Touch between his legs. I was stupid as a kid. He dragged me behind a building and tried to rape me. He didn't get too far before my aunt saved me. A few months later my uncle did the same thing but he got me pregnant... I lost the baby in a misscarrage... Then I turned 8. Mom finally stood up to my father. He wasn't allowed to hit us anymore, but that didn't stop him from verbal abuse. He told me I was worthless, stupid , a big failure. In school I was being sexually harassed and bullied. In jr. High I was constantly attacked by boys and some girls who touched me, held me, humped me against my will... And some people i let use me because all i seemed to be was a tool.... Now I'm in high school and I havehave to live with the pain, the nightmares, the memories... I regret alot. I have to avoid the people that treated me so terribly in jr. High.. I wish I never let them use me... Now I hate sex, Im scared of alot of things.... My body's been destroyed by family and others and most of it I couldn't control but I shouldn't have gone crazy like that....