The dark side
So my friend Ruth came for a weekend visit. Though she couldn't tell, I started rough. Facing that Zombie, stressful day at work... I was a little tense. And because I'm tired (not enough sleep this last week), I kept misplacing my keys.... left them on the outside table... left them on the sidewalk when we connected the extension cord to her camper so she could keep her fridge running (my friend came up behind me with them as we headed toward the house).... DOH.
And then the scary part happened. Since I thought I locked my keys in the shed where I kept the extension cord, I went to go get my emergency key for the house to go get the 2nd key for the shed and as I reached for it.... IT WAS GONE! . Not just gone, but the container it was kept in too, and it hadn't fallen into leaves, was NOWHERE to be found.... I checked 3 times before it sunk in....
OMG, SHOCK, HORROR.... SOMEONE HAS ACCESS TO MY HOUSE! And I don't know who it is OR how long they've had it! (it could be missing up to a month)
Ruth was trying to calm me down since she noticed I was FREAKED. Has someone been watching me sleep? Has someone been in the house while I was at work? She tried helping me to slow down enough to eat something, think it through. DIDN'T WORK. I HAD to deal with this... so I ran out to the store and got new locks, immediately put them in, and THEN checked through EVERYTHING... nope, nothing's missing. So I was finally able to relax a little, but it keeps going through my head... WHO TOOK IT. Only two people knew where it was (my best friends and they know I have nothing of any real value) and I KNOW they wouldn't take it... it was there so they could let the dogs out if I got injured or delayed in the forest (I have emergency contact information on my bike) and they've been watching the house for me from time to time so there was no reason to take it - they have full access. And I can think of only two people who would look for it... one - creepy neighbor - but I had told him my best friend has it and he couldn't see me put it there and he trained the dogs to rip his head off so it isn't likely to be him.... and the other is my X. MAN!
And then came the dream... 11:30 last night... I'd only been asleep an hour and started dreaming.... about the X. I dreamt he was wearing his wedding suit, looked the same as he did on our wedding day... and he walked away from the house and across the street. I was talking to my uncles inside the house about what was going on and looked across and saw him pull out a rifle from underneath one of the cars over there. I kept screaming, "DON'T! I LOVE YOU!" Fireworks were coming off it... and he put it to his mouth and... yeah.
I must being going through some kind of PTSD. This shook me up AWFUL. Because in a way, it's the truth of what's happening... he's killing himself with alcohol and all I can do is watch. So, to make sure I wouldn't disturb my friend, I spent an hour outside with the dogs last night pacing until I felt it was out of my head enough to go to sleep. And I'm back to being tired today. UGH.
GEES I am such a basket case. Yep, this is gonna be a LONG recovery.
And then the scary part happened. Since I thought I locked my keys in the shed where I kept the extension cord, I went to go get my emergency key for the house to go get the 2nd key for the shed and as I reached for it.... IT WAS GONE! . Not just gone, but the container it was kept in too, and it hadn't fallen into leaves, was NOWHERE to be found.... I checked 3 times before it sunk in....
OMG, SHOCK, HORROR.... SOMEONE HAS ACCESS TO MY HOUSE! And I don't know who it is OR how long they've had it! (it could be missing up to a month)
Ruth was trying to calm me down since she noticed I was FREAKED. Has someone been watching me sleep? Has someone been in the house while I was at work? She tried helping me to slow down enough to eat something, think it through. DIDN'T WORK. I HAD to deal with this... so I ran out to the store and got new locks, immediately put them in, and THEN checked through EVERYTHING... nope, nothing's missing. So I was finally able to relax a little, but it keeps going through my head... WHO TOOK IT. Only two people knew where it was (my best friends and they know I have nothing of any real value) and I KNOW they wouldn't take it... it was there so they could let the dogs out if I got injured or delayed in the forest (I have emergency contact information on my bike) and they've been watching the house for me from time to time so there was no reason to take it - they have full access. And I can think of only two people who would look for it... one - creepy neighbor - but I had told him my best friend has it and he couldn't see me put it there and he trained the dogs to rip his head off so it isn't likely to be him.... and the other is my X. MAN!
And then came the dream... 11:30 last night... I'd only been asleep an hour and started dreaming.... about the X. I dreamt he was wearing his wedding suit, looked the same as he did on our wedding day... and he walked away from the house and across the street. I was talking to my uncles inside the house about what was going on and looked across and saw him pull out a rifle from underneath one of the cars over there. I kept screaming, "DON'T! I LOVE YOU!" Fireworks were coming off it... and he put it to his mouth and... yeah.
I must being going through some kind of PTSD. This shook me up AWFUL. Because in a way, it's the truth of what's happening... he's killing himself with alcohol and all I can do is watch. So, to make sure I wouldn't disturb my friend, I spent an hour outside with the dogs last night pacing until I felt it was out of my head enough to go to sleep. And I'm back to being tired today. UGH.
GEES I am such a basket case. Yep, this is gonna be a LONG recovery.
Replies
I think this is the nature of the beast! As soon as you start to feel like you have a grip on your life, etc. something comes along to remind you that\'s not so Kinda like the 2 steps forward, one step back scenario! I am finally able to see it in my life and I see it a lot in others, so I think it might be natural. I am glad your friend Ruth is visiting, she can help take your mind off of all this during the day. Hopefully you can get some good sleep over the next few days and bounce back. I know you think your friends have no need for your key, but I think you should ask them to double check if they accidentally took the key with them. I have done that several times in being given access to friends and neighbors homes. Usually when I find it and realize what I have done, I first try to quietly return it to its hiding place(embarrassment!) if not that then I nicely explain what happened and put it back. So far no one has ever complained or changed the locks. After all the key was with a person who they trusted, I didn\'t lose it or leave out for some one else to use!
Please enjoy the rest of your time with your friend Ruth and don\'t think about this until after your visit.
(((HUGS)))
Haven\'t had any reason lately to use it, so I\'m pretty sure it wasn\'t them, and I\'m seeing them tomorrow and will ask just in case. I still trust THEM to have it... just am going to make different arrangements for security sake. Thanks for trying to help me feel better!
I\'m glad you were so proactive about changing locks and taking care of your sense of security. It\'s impressive how many things you can do by yourself. I would have had to call a lock smith!
GET SOME SLEEP!
I\'m glad you were so proactive about changing locks and taking care of your sense of security. It\'s impressive how many things you can do by yourself. I would have had to call a lock smith!
GET SOME SLEEP!
How scary. It does sound like some sort of PTSD. Are you going to change your locks? I think you should just for peace of mind.
I did change them... first thing. Ruth was trying to get me to chill out first, but I couldn\'t... I HAD to get them changed. She spent the night (that was the night of the nightmare), left the next morning as planned. That next night was the worst... I kept wondering if someone was going to try to come in. Even now, I can\'t sleep with the bedroom door closed - I want to be able to hear what\'s going on in the rest of the house... so far so good!