The Curtain
In my just-a-patient perspective, one of the greater mysteries of my psychotic condition is the kaleidoscope of colors which continually overlay my view of the world. Somewhere around my 1998 psychotic break, I began calling ^it^, "The Curtain." During that breakdown, the curtain became nearly opaque. Enough to prompt a series of consultations with eye doctors which revealed the usual nothing but the still more referrals to psychiatric professionals. Thanks, Doc, but I already have enough psych pros to feel like a one-woman DMZ in the psych theory wars. Can I testify at the Peace Talks?
When I dare to leave Science out of ^it^ (not an easy feat for this engineer wannabe) and allow myself to contemplate such metaphysical obscurities as, "Weaving Wild Magics," the phrases, "Gossamer Lights" and "Gossamer Threads" keep popping into my damaged brain in reference to that unproven kaleidoscope of shifting colors I see with distracting clarity every time I close my eyes or sit in a dark room. Literal darkness has an effect similar to the one jewellers use when they place their gems on black velvet. The dark background highlights the shimmers and reflections dramatically. Metaphorical darkness cramps and twists those shimmers into mind-bending chaos.
Sometimes I believe I am in danger of understanding those gossamer lights and bonds. Maybe. If so, the understanding still lives beyond my verbal skills. Whatever the evers of those whats, the light show has been quite spectacular during recent guit-chi reports. The "angel kisses" have been downright orgasmic. Tantra me, Baby, tantra me. . .
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most of my closed eye colors remind me of the spin paint art done at caravels and fund raisers. I like to try to change the prominent colors to my choice. sometimes the colors change but rarely to the color I was seeking. I can sometimes get the colors to be more of a stream than a splat but they are usually a Constant motion of indefinite shapes. I favor the kaleidoscope weither in my mind or manmade device. After using a toxic paint a year or two ago, without proper ventilation, I have been getting nearly opaque streams of glossy colors that make it very hard to read things like fast food menu boards. this has faded to being rare occurrences but it reminds me of the reason "they" put cautions on toxic products.
love your sexy new hat on your " bee pod or bee pad " honey barn, Enjoy the space
Love the "bee pod or bee pad" imagery. Let's run it up the proverbial flag pole and see who salutes.
I finish-coated the corner of the box room you abandoned. It's looking pretty final this morning. We see after it gets its curing time. It froze last night, so I will give it extra curing time before I start setting things on it. Hopefully, Hubs will do the setting this time since I've already moved that friggin' pile more times than I signed on for.
Miss you madly, Sis. I bet you would enjoy the foam stuff I've been using to fill the gaps between the uneven brick and the door and window frames. It just might have some crafty potentials in it.
I've never had the light show but I sure do get the powers of the mind..... Gentle hug sweetie while you work through it..... xo