The College Life

UGH! That's all I have to say about that.

Originally I was going to school for Graphic Design at a local private college. I got into an opportunity program that supports me financially as well as academically. I started summer of 2012. It took me a long, long time to make any friends there. I mostly stayed in my own little corner of the school. Mostly staying in my opportunity programs office. I got a work study job their. We were located in the basement, no much room for social interaction. The only people I talked to most days were the Director of the program (my aunts mom), the assistant director, (a family friend) and one of the other work study students, and some nice counselors and tutors. It was great I got my own office. I ran the place. I became good at my job. I knew everything there was to know about the program and how everything was ran. I took phone calls and filed files. I went to classes. I learned some here and there but I knew pretty much everything from high school. I went to boces art advertising for a year, so I pretty much knew all the software. Everything came easy. I fell into my routine.

I functioned like this for about 2 years. Then our office moved. The school did some reorganising throwing the schools tutoring center and support services for those with learning disabilities as well as the opportunity program into one office. Our space got doubled in size, but our space was shared with 2 other programs, so I lost my own office. Instead I was thrown into a cubical. I was surrounded by people all the time. Instead of being in the basement we were moved to another building, first floor where most of the classrooms were. Students constantly poured in, it was fine. It didn't bother me that much. I knew my job and I could handle whatever was thrown at me.

Because the combined of office I was around more tutors, tutors my own age. Peer to peer tutors. I was around other work study students too. I mostly kept to myself that first semester, helping who ever came in, whether it was for my department or not. I got good at helping everyone out. Whenever someone need something I had an answer or I knew where to point you. I'd jump at every opportunity to expand beyond what my normal duties were. You needed me to call student to remind them to come in to register, I was there. You need this or that, I was there.

But because it was my aunts mom who was my boss, she let me go home early and paid me for hours I wasn't there. I got accustomed to coming and going whenever I wanted. I never not in trouble, and I always got my 20 hours a week. I loved it. I knew I was lucky to have such a flexible job. The assistant Director of the the program got mad a few times when I started to show up whenever I wanted. But we worked through it. I'd make sure to stick around most of the time that week and he'd forget about it. He himself was barely ever there anyway.

We're now at the end of my fifth semester. And I start to actually make friends. A couple of the tutors would sit with me and we'd eat lunch together. One day one of them asked if I wanted to start a club with them. I jumped on the opportunity. I was going to be vice president of the new gaming club. Exciting.

Well this new club exploded. We became the most popular club in the school by far. I became social queen. Everyone knew me. Things were finally looking up. I had a decent social, academic and work life. I couldn't ask for more.

We ran the club for a semester. And then the boss of the tutoring center left. It took them about a semester to replace her. So I took on more responsibility. Between me and the other work study students we ran the entire office. And we did a damned good job at it. Until our boss was replaced.

We ended up was a cranky old women. She despised our club. She made ridiculous rules like no one was able to talk during tutoring hours (10am-7pm), unless you were actually tutoring. And you weren't able to eat in the front of the office, even if you had a line of students waiting for you.

Now we're getting into Spring of 2016, And that's when everything blew up. My new social queen status got to my head. Everyone was fighting for my attention constantly. I'm a very open minded person and people use me to vent and talk about their problems. I don't mind, but when you literally have two people on each side of you having two different conversations with you, it gets to be too much. I'd literally have to tell people to shush so I can finish my conversation with one person and then move on to the next. It destroyed my mental health. I was helping people with problems like anxiety, social problems, depression and even self harm. Everyone turned to me and I just couldn't turn them away. I needed, I wanted to be there for them.

My aunt and uncle went away with my entire aunt's side of the family, including my aunts mom. I was not only bossless for 10 days but I also house and dog sat for them. Their house was 7 minutes away from school. We practically had a party every night. Drinking, Hot tub, Cigarettes, Musical Beds. I loved living on my own, even it if wasn't necessarily on my own, always having someone spend the night.

This was probably the time when I stopped going to classes. I mostly hung out in the tutoring center, talking and socializing. I grew close to the people in the center. We decided to go on spring break together, at one of our friends houses on Shelter Island. That week shattered me emotionally and physically. I was blackout drunk every single night. I had unprotected sex with several of my friends. On top of this people were still coming to me with their problems, wanting me to solve them.

The last day of spring break Shelter Island edition I broke my foot, ended up in the hospital. But the next day I had to drive my friend up to boston. That was a two day shit show. And another story for another time.

When I got back from my trips I practically stopped going to all my classes. I was on "Medical Leave" or at least that's what I kept telling people. I was in a cast, I had crutches. It was possible, but I could have most definitely have gone to class. I just had no desire to anymore.

I ended the semester off with 2 Incompletes an F and an A. And then the school closed.

I had one more semester left, If I finished my I's. But I didn't even have time to complete them. The school closed June, but kept delaying their closing until they finally lost accreditation august of that summer.

I was forced to transfer. But no where in the state was a school that had my opportunity program and my major and that would accept all my credits.

I was fucked.

I ended up transferring to another local school. It was 15 minutes more of a drive then my old school in the opposite direction. I knew virtually no one. Sure I knew a few people here and there from my old school, but no one that I was really close with. Everyone I was once close with either graduated or went to another school.

I got pushed back a year. Instead of taking 4.5 years, it's taking me 5.5 years for a damn undergrad degree. I was devastated.

Now I forgot to mention there were several times throughout my time at my previous school that I thought about transferring or even quitting all together. I was never a big fan of school. The only reason I was going in the first place was because I would be the first in my family to graduate with a degree. I was doing it solely for my parents.

New school: I wanted to dorm. I'd never dormed before and this was my chance to try. Even though we couldn't really afford it, my mom took out loans so I could try it out. I adored my roommate. She was amazing, I don't think I will have such a great roommate as her. She was the only thing that kept me going, most times.

But then she left. She transfer schools. I don't blame her, our school was a soulless, prestigious, snob zone.

Now even before she left I stopped going to classes again. Basically the entire second half of the semester I stopped giving a shit. I was literally re-doing classes I learned in High School. I couldn't take it anymore. My professors finally confronted me about it, they decided to give me D's because I did the work, but because I didn't show up "it was not fair to the other students." I took it and left. In my one class he thought my work was so good he gave me a C. But it wasn't enough.

This semester: New roommate, Meh. We've said about two whole words to each other since she moved in about half way through the semester.

Classes, I stopped going again. I have the two professors I had last semester. And three class with another new professor. I adore my new professor, he completely understands where I'm coming from.

But I didn't just stop going to class because I felt like it, I mean that partly it. But I'm also sick. I get chronic headaches, and Doctors don't know what's going on with me. I've been missing classes for a series of tests and doctors appointments.

One more semester. That's all. I need to do this, if not for myself, for my parents.