THE CHIEF OF SINNERS: CONFESSION
I HAVE BEEN WONDERING HOW TO GO ABOUT WRITING THIS FOR SEVERAL DAYS NOW, AND I STILL DON'T KNOW JUST HOW IT IS GOING TO COME OUT, OR THE MESSAGE THAT I AM ACTUALLY TRYING TO CONVEY.
I ASKED THE LORD JESUS INTO MY HEART AT 15 YEARS OLD. I KNEW THAT HE FORGAVE ALL OF MY SINS IN THE PAST AT THAT POINT, BUT AT 15, I HAVEN'T REALLY EVEN BEGUN TO MAJORLY SIN YET. AS I BEGUN TO GO TO CHURCH, HARVEST CRUSADES, AND READ THE BIBLE, I BEGAN TO HEAR A TEACHING THAT GREATLY COMFORTED MY HEART WHEN IT CAME TO MY SALVATION AND MY ETERNAL DESTINY. TO SUM IT UP IN A SIMPLE PHRASE, IT'S CALLED "PAID IN FULL." THAT BECAUSE OF JESUS' DEATH ON THE CROSS AND HIS RESSURECTION, ALL OF MY SINS WHICH INCLUDED THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE WERE "PAID IN FULL." BECAUSE OF WHAT CHRIST DID, I WAS PERFECT IN GOD'S SIGHT, AND HE NO LONGER SAW MY MANY MANY SINS BUT HIS SON'S BLOOD COVERING MY WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE OF THE DECISION I MADE ON APRIL 7TH, 1993 TO FOLLOW CHRIST.
IN THE BEGINNING, I TRIED MY VERY BEST TO CLEAN UP MY LIFE. I QUIT CUSSING AND TRIED HARD TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN. IT WAS A GOAL OF MINE TO STAY A VIRGEN UNTIL I GOT MARRIED WHICH I DID PRETTY WELL AT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL, BUT THEN AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, I MET A VERY BEAUTIFUL GIRL NAMED SUZANNE WHO WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL AND NEEDLESS TO SAY, I SLIPPED ON VALENTINE'S DAY IN '97. IT WAS INCREDIBLE AND I WAS HOOKED. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS AT THE TIME, BUT I COMMITTED STATCHATORY RAPE BECAUSE I WAS 19 AND SHE WAS 16. I NEVER GOT BUSTED FOR IT AND WE WENT ON TO GET MARRIED AND HAD OUR SON, DEUCE TOGETHER, BUT WE WERE QUITE GOOD AT SINNING TOGETHER BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED. WE WERE MARRIED FOR 7.5 YEARS, AND TWICE DURING THAT TIME I COMMITTED THE QUITE COWARDLY AND DESPICABLE ACT OF BEATING HER. I HAVE A VERY VIOLENT TEMPER AND IM VERY MUCH ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR DOING THIS TO THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD AND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, BUT THIS IS MY CONFESSION ON MY AWFUL SIN. GOD SAYS TO CONFESS YOUR SIN AND HE IS ABLE TO FORGIVE YOU OF YOUR SIN AND CLEANSE YOU FROM ALL UNRIGHTOUSNESS.
WE SEPERATED AND FILED FOR DIVORCE AS I WAS TRANSFORMING INTO GZUStHUG ON 1/1/07 AND I MET DANIELLE WHO I FELL MADLY IN LOVE WITH AND STILL AM 'TIL THIS DAY. WE HAD SEX BEFORE THE DIVORCE WITH SUZANNE WAS FINALIZED WHICH MEANS I COMMITTED ADULTERY. OK, NOW FOR MY MAJOR SINS AGAINST HER AND HER FAMILY. WE GOT MARRIED IN JULY A COUPLE OF WEEKS AFTER THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL. MY FIRST MAJOR SIN WAS HERE ON DAILY STRENGTH. I MET A LADY ON THIS SITE AND STARTED TALKING TO HER AND AS WE STARTED TALKING MORE AND MORE, THE TALKS TURNED VERY SEXUAL AND INTO FULL BLOWN CYBER SEX WHICH CAN BE CONSIDERED ADULTERY AS WELL. MY WIFE AND I DID AGREE THAT IT WAS MOST DEFINATELY ADULTERY. I DID THAT A FEW TIMES WITH A FEW DIFFERENT LADIES. YES, I WAS A CYBER SLUT. AT FIRST, I DIDN'T CONSIDER IT CHEATING SINCE IT WASN'T PHYSICAL, BUT WHEN I SAW HOW BAD IT HURT MY WIFE, I KNEW THEN THAT IT WAS CHEATING.
DANIELLE IS VERY CLOSE WITH HER MOM, AND AFTER HEARING ABOUT ALL I HAD DONE, SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME VERY MUCH AND WHO COULD BLAME HER. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN SHE CAME OVER TO OUR APARTMENT RAVING MAD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID AND I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS, BUT I CAME OUT OF THE DOOR WITH MY BASEBALL BAT READY TO MURDER HER AND I WOULD HAVE IF DANIELLE DIDNT STEP IN BETWEEN US AND BREAK IT UP. SHE SAVED HER FROM DYING AND SAVED ME FROM BEING KILLED IN PRISON FOR WHAT I TRIED TO DO. NEEDLESS TO SAY, HER MOM AND I DON'T TALK AND STILL DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH.
OK, IT'S TIME FOR MY LAST 2 MAJOR CONFESSIONS. ONE NIGHT MY WIFE AND I GOT INTO A MAJOR ARGUMENT, AND SHE RAISED HER HAND TO SLAP ME AND I FUCKING DARED HER TO DO IT AND I KEPT YELLING AT HER TO DO IT, DO IT, SO SHE DID IT AND I REACTED BY PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE 4 TIMES AND THEN CALLED THE POLICE ON MYSELF AND SAID I HAD TO GO TO JAIL WHICH I DID FOR THE NIGHT. WE BROKE UP FOR MANY MONTHS AFTER THAT AND I STARTED TEXTING A WOMAN THAT I MET HERE ON DS YEARS AGO. EVEN AFTER DANIELLE STARTED COMING BACK I CONTINUED TEXTING HER, AND THEN 1 NIGHT DURING A MANIC EPISODE I WENT TO THE PSYCHE WARD AND DANIELLE READ ALL OF MY TEXTS TO HER AND OF COURSE WAS PISSED THAT I WAS BEING UNFAITHFUL AGAIN.
ANYWAY, AFTER I GOT OUT, I FINALLY WOKE UP AND REPENTED FOR ALL OF MY SINS AS WELL AS RECOMMITTED MY LIFE BACK TO CHRIST. MY WIFE IS THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN AND HAS FORGIVEN ME FOR ALL MY SINS AGAINST HER ENOUGH TO STICK AROUND. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M ON MY LAST SECOND CHANCE WITH HER, BUT I PLAN ON NOT FUCKING UP ANYMORE IF I CAN AT ALL HELP IT WHICH I THINK I CAN. I PRAY I CAN ANYWAY. MY SISTER HAS CALLED ME THE PROSITUTE FROM THE BIBLE WHO WASHED JESUS' FEET WITH HER TEARS AND HER HAIR BECAUSE SHE KNEW JUST HOW FUCKED UP SHE WAS AND KNEW THAT ONLY JESUS COULD FORGIVE HER MANY MANY SINS, AND SHE WAS FORGIVEN MUCH, SO SHE COULD THEN IN TURN, LOVE MUCH. I HOPE AND PRAY TO GOD THAT I CAN NOW LOVE MUCH KNOWING JUST HOW INCREDIBLY MUCH I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN AS...THE CHIEF OF SINNERS.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL, AND FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY TO GOD.(JOHN 14:6)
P.S. I KNOW WHAT A ROTTEN HUMAN BEING I AM FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE IN MY PAST, AND ESPECIALLY TOWARD WOMEN. I COULD BE CALLED EVERY BAD NAME IN THE BOOK AND IT WOULD BE JUSTIFIED. I ASK THAT YOU PLEASE CAST THE FIRST STONE.
I ASKED THE LORD JESUS INTO MY HEART AT 15 YEARS OLD. I KNEW THAT HE FORGAVE ALL OF MY SINS IN THE PAST AT THAT POINT, BUT AT 15, I HAVEN'T REALLY EVEN BEGUN TO MAJORLY SIN YET. AS I BEGUN TO GO TO CHURCH, HARVEST CRUSADES, AND READ THE BIBLE, I BEGAN TO HEAR A TEACHING THAT GREATLY COMFORTED MY HEART WHEN IT CAME TO MY SALVATION AND MY ETERNAL DESTINY. TO SUM IT UP IN A SIMPLE PHRASE, IT'S CALLED "PAID IN FULL." THAT BECAUSE OF JESUS' DEATH ON THE CROSS AND HIS RESSURECTION, ALL OF MY SINS WHICH INCLUDED THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE WERE "PAID IN FULL." BECAUSE OF WHAT CHRIST DID, I WAS PERFECT IN GOD'S SIGHT, AND HE NO LONGER SAW MY MANY MANY SINS BUT HIS SON'S BLOOD COVERING MY WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE OF THE DECISION I MADE ON APRIL 7TH, 1993 TO FOLLOW CHRIST.
IN THE BEGINNING, I TRIED MY VERY BEST TO CLEAN UP MY LIFE. I QUIT CUSSING AND TRIED HARD TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN. IT WAS A GOAL OF MINE TO STAY A VIRGEN UNTIL I GOT MARRIED WHICH I DID PRETTY WELL AT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL, BUT THEN AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, I MET A VERY BEAUTIFUL GIRL NAMED SUZANNE WHO WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL AND NEEDLESS TO SAY, I SLIPPED ON VALENTINE'S DAY IN '97. IT WAS INCREDIBLE AND I WAS HOOKED. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS AT THE TIME, BUT I COMMITTED STATCHATORY RAPE BECAUSE I WAS 19 AND SHE WAS 16. I NEVER GOT BUSTED FOR IT AND WE WENT ON TO GET MARRIED AND HAD OUR SON, DEUCE TOGETHER, BUT WE WERE QUITE GOOD AT SINNING TOGETHER BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED. WE WERE MARRIED FOR 7.5 YEARS, AND TWICE DURING THAT TIME I COMMITTED THE QUITE COWARDLY AND DESPICABLE ACT OF BEATING HER. I HAVE A VERY VIOLENT TEMPER AND IM VERY MUCH ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR DOING THIS TO THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD AND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, BUT THIS IS MY CONFESSION ON MY AWFUL SIN. GOD SAYS TO CONFESS YOUR SIN AND HE IS ABLE TO FORGIVE YOU OF YOUR SIN AND CLEANSE YOU FROM ALL UNRIGHTOUSNESS.
WE SEPERATED AND FILED FOR DIVORCE AS I WAS TRANSFORMING INTO GZUStHUG ON 1/1/07 AND I MET DANIELLE WHO I FELL MADLY IN LOVE WITH AND STILL AM 'TIL THIS DAY. WE HAD SEX BEFORE THE DIVORCE WITH SUZANNE WAS FINALIZED WHICH MEANS I COMMITTED ADULTERY. OK, NOW FOR MY MAJOR SINS AGAINST HER AND HER FAMILY. WE GOT MARRIED IN JULY A COUPLE OF WEEKS AFTER THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL. MY FIRST MAJOR SIN WAS HERE ON DAILY STRENGTH. I MET A LADY ON THIS SITE AND STARTED TALKING TO HER AND AS WE STARTED TALKING MORE AND MORE, THE TALKS TURNED VERY SEXUAL AND INTO FULL BLOWN CYBER SEX WHICH CAN BE CONSIDERED ADULTERY AS WELL. MY WIFE AND I DID AGREE THAT IT WAS MOST DEFINATELY ADULTERY. I DID THAT A FEW TIMES WITH A FEW DIFFERENT LADIES. YES, I WAS A CYBER SLUT. AT FIRST, I DIDN'T CONSIDER IT CHEATING SINCE IT WASN'T PHYSICAL, BUT WHEN I SAW HOW BAD IT HURT MY WIFE, I KNEW THEN THAT IT WAS CHEATING.
DANIELLE IS VERY CLOSE WITH HER MOM, AND AFTER HEARING ABOUT ALL I HAD DONE, SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME VERY MUCH AND WHO COULD BLAME HER. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN SHE CAME OVER TO OUR APARTMENT RAVING MAD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID AND I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS, BUT I CAME OUT OF THE DOOR WITH MY BASEBALL BAT READY TO MURDER HER AND I WOULD HAVE IF DANIELLE DIDNT STEP IN BETWEEN US AND BREAK IT UP. SHE SAVED HER FROM DYING AND SAVED ME FROM BEING KILLED IN PRISON FOR WHAT I TRIED TO DO. NEEDLESS TO SAY, HER MOM AND I DON'T TALK AND STILL DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH.
OK, IT'S TIME FOR MY LAST 2 MAJOR CONFESSIONS. ONE NIGHT MY WIFE AND I GOT INTO A MAJOR ARGUMENT, AND SHE RAISED HER HAND TO SLAP ME AND I FUCKING DARED HER TO DO IT AND I KEPT YELLING AT HER TO DO IT, DO IT, SO SHE DID IT AND I REACTED BY PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE 4 TIMES AND THEN CALLED THE POLICE ON MYSELF AND SAID I HAD TO GO TO JAIL WHICH I DID FOR THE NIGHT. WE BROKE UP FOR MANY MONTHS AFTER THAT AND I STARTED TEXTING A WOMAN THAT I MET HERE ON DS YEARS AGO. EVEN AFTER DANIELLE STARTED COMING BACK I CONTINUED TEXTING HER, AND THEN 1 NIGHT DURING A MANIC EPISODE I WENT TO THE PSYCHE WARD AND DANIELLE READ ALL OF MY TEXTS TO HER AND OF COURSE WAS PISSED THAT I WAS BEING UNFAITHFUL AGAIN.
ANYWAY, AFTER I GOT OUT, I FINALLY WOKE UP AND REPENTED FOR ALL OF MY SINS AS WELL AS RECOMMITTED MY LIFE BACK TO CHRIST. MY WIFE IS THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN AND HAS FORGIVEN ME FOR ALL MY SINS AGAINST HER ENOUGH TO STICK AROUND. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M ON MY LAST SECOND CHANCE WITH HER, BUT I PLAN ON NOT FUCKING UP ANYMORE IF I CAN AT ALL HELP IT WHICH I THINK I CAN. I PRAY I CAN ANYWAY. MY SISTER HAS CALLED ME THE PROSITUTE FROM THE BIBLE WHO WASHED JESUS' FEET WITH HER TEARS AND HER HAIR BECAUSE SHE KNEW JUST HOW FUCKED UP SHE WAS AND KNEW THAT ONLY JESUS COULD FORGIVE HER MANY MANY SINS, AND SHE WAS FORGIVEN MUCH, SO SHE COULD THEN IN TURN, LOVE MUCH. I HOPE AND PRAY TO GOD THAT I CAN NOW LOVE MUCH KNOWING JUST HOW INCREDIBLY MUCH I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN AS...THE CHIEF OF SINNERS.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL, AND FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY TO GOD.(JOHN 14:6)
P.S. I KNOW WHAT A ROTTEN HUMAN BEING I AM FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE IN MY PAST, AND ESPECIALLY TOWARD WOMEN. I COULD BE CALLED EVERY BAD NAME IN THE BOOK AND IT WOULD BE JUSTIFIED. I ASK THAT YOU PLEASE CAST THE FIRST STONE.
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