The challenges of my life
The situation I am now in is definitely unique, which makes sense because my entire life has been full of the craziest challenges. I don't know why nothing in my life can be normal, or why my life can't be simple like everyone else's life appears to be. I was born into a completely normal, fun family of 2 parents and 3 brothers. My dad had a good job, my mom stayed at home to take care of us young ones, and we lived in a decent house. Everything was hunky dory and us boys got along well, I was happy. Then IT happened...
1. At the age of 6, my mom took me out of kindergarten and my mom, me and my younger brother went to our grandmother's house, while I knew nothing of my father or 2 older brothers. What happened? Mom flipped out one day, left our father, and split up the family. She later gets together with our cousin (fathers side) who was in prison, they get married, and I spend my childhood in prisons and in poverty moving around following our inmate step father. He eventually got out of prison and lived with us. His treatment towards me was abusive; I lived in constant intimidation, confusion, and fear.
2. My mom married my cousin out of resentment for my father. He abused me psychologically, as if he were still in prison and he had to intimidate everybody. I was made to feel inferior in everything, and was forced to say nice things to him or he would yell and physically punish me. I was forced to behave as a robot programmed to please him, my master. I refused to accept him as my father, and I wanted out of that family. My mom kicked me out to live with my father states away at the age of 15, and didn't speak to me for 7 years. I was terrified to speak to anybody in my high school years, and I had few friends. I wasn't depressed yet; just confused, resentful, and hopeful. I had strength.
3. At the age of 18 I graduated from high school and had a few friends, but still hadn't had a girlfriend out of fear of women, and abandonment issues. I felt like my faith in God and patience would pay off and I would find "the one" and everything would be splendid. I worked 2 jobs and began college at the age of 18, while still living with my father. My lack of a woman in my life began to take it's toll and I began to feel depressed. At the age of 18 I had my first thoughts of suicide because I lacked love and a nurturing relationship with a woman. I then met a Russian girl who worked at one of my jobs, we hung out, and I built up the courage to tell her I had a crush on her. We got together, I fell madly in love for the first time, and felt like my patience finally payed off. I believed that for every person there was a soul mate out there, somewhere in the world, selected by God, and with that person I would marry, and we would choose each other to share our bodies with each other. Upon learning that I was the 6th man that she had sex with and she was my first, I entered a tailspin. I felt required to get over it, we moved in together were going to college and working, but I couldn't get over being her sixth when I waited for the perfect moment to share myself with a woman. I left her, left the state, lived with my brother in extreme depression for a few months, then she tracked me down and called me to come back. I was still in love, I went back to her, was in bliss until I learned she had sex with yet another man when I left, and that man left her immediately after sex. I was destroyed and suicidal.
4. I was still in a relationship with her when I joined the Air Force and left home. I couldn't get over her giving herself to yet another man after me, but couldn't end the relationship. We eventually broke up our long distance relationship. At the time I had friends in the Air Force and drank a lot at parties. Feeling lied to by God, churches, society, and my parents about sex being for marriage I began meeting girls online to have sex with, no emotions. Sex had no value for me. I was an alcoholic, drank everyday, and didn't value relationships nor sex. Then something bad happened due to my lifestyle...I wrecked my car while driving drunk pursuing easy meaningless sex. I was in a coma for 3 weeks and woke up paralyzed on the left side, with double vision and a broken wrist. I woke up with no idea what had happened. I went through much therapy and finished able to walk, but my personality and emotions were tremendously impaired. I was isolated by everybody, alcohol only made me more miserable. I never gave up, and did everything I could do repair my life and come out better than ever.
5. Due to my crazy brain injured personality, I continued without a nurturing relationship with any woman, but my hope for happiness and affection from women still hadn't died. I followed life's omens and decided to learn Spanish find my soul mate in a different culture speaking a different language. I started learning Spanish, and felt very hopeful and confident that I would be happy and it would all make sense someday. Upon exiting the Air Force after my 6 year enlistment, I sold everything and left the country with money and a dream of a happy life. I ended up in Lima Peru, fluent in Spanish, with a woman I thought had similar problems with me with men, and lived without a man in her life in fear of men hoping to meet "the one." She led me to believe that she was shy with men, sexually reserved, and inexperienced. She immediately fell in love with me, we got married after 9 months together and not a single argument or fight, we bought a new apartment, I worked a decent job, and I was taking university classes to continue my career for OUR future for 2 years until the current crisis.
1. At the age of 6, my mom took me out of kindergarten and my mom, me and my younger brother went to our grandmother's house, while I knew nothing of my father or 2 older brothers. What happened? Mom flipped out one day, left our father, and split up the family. She later gets together with our cousin (fathers side) who was in prison, they get married, and I spend my childhood in prisons and in poverty moving around following our inmate step father. He eventually got out of prison and lived with us. His treatment towards me was abusive; I lived in constant intimidation, confusion, and fear.
2. My mom married my cousin out of resentment for my father. He abused me psychologically, as if he were still in prison and he had to intimidate everybody. I was made to feel inferior in everything, and was forced to say nice things to him or he would yell and physically punish me. I was forced to behave as a robot programmed to please him, my master. I refused to accept him as my father, and I wanted out of that family. My mom kicked me out to live with my father states away at the age of 15, and didn't speak to me for 7 years. I was terrified to speak to anybody in my high school years, and I had few friends. I wasn't depressed yet; just confused, resentful, and hopeful. I had strength.
3. At the age of 18 I graduated from high school and had a few friends, but still hadn't had a girlfriend out of fear of women, and abandonment issues. I felt like my faith in God and patience would pay off and I would find "the one" and everything would be splendid. I worked 2 jobs and began college at the age of 18, while still living with my father. My lack of a woman in my life began to take it's toll and I began to feel depressed. At the age of 18 I had my first thoughts of suicide because I lacked love and a nurturing relationship with a woman. I then met a Russian girl who worked at one of my jobs, we hung out, and I built up the courage to tell her I had a crush on her. We got together, I fell madly in love for the first time, and felt like my patience finally payed off. I believed that for every person there was a soul mate out there, somewhere in the world, selected by God, and with that person I would marry, and we would choose each other to share our bodies with each other. Upon learning that I was the 6th man that she had sex with and she was my first, I entered a tailspin. I felt required to get over it, we moved in together were going to college and working, but I couldn't get over being her sixth when I waited for the perfect moment to share myself with a woman. I left her, left the state, lived with my brother in extreme depression for a few months, then she tracked me down and called me to come back. I was still in love, I went back to her, was in bliss until I learned she had sex with yet another man when I left, and that man left her immediately after sex. I was destroyed and suicidal.
4. I was still in a relationship with her when I joined the Air Force and left home. I couldn't get over her giving herself to yet another man after me, but couldn't end the relationship. We eventually broke up our long distance relationship. At the time I had friends in the Air Force and drank a lot at parties. Feeling lied to by God, churches, society, and my parents about sex being for marriage I began meeting girls online to have sex with, no emotions. Sex had no value for me. I was an alcoholic, drank everyday, and didn't value relationships nor sex. Then something bad happened due to my lifestyle...I wrecked my car while driving drunk pursuing easy meaningless sex. I was in a coma for 3 weeks and woke up paralyzed on the left side, with double vision and a broken wrist. I woke up with no idea what had happened. I went through much therapy and finished able to walk, but my personality and emotions were tremendously impaired. I was isolated by everybody, alcohol only made me more miserable. I never gave up, and did everything I could do repair my life and come out better than ever.
5. Due to my crazy brain injured personality, I continued without a nurturing relationship with any woman, but my hope for happiness and affection from women still hadn't died. I followed life's omens and decided to learn Spanish find my soul mate in a different culture speaking a different language. I started learning Spanish, and felt very hopeful and confident that I would be happy and it would all make sense someday. Upon exiting the Air Force after my 6 year enlistment, I sold everything and left the country with money and a dream of a happy life. I ended up in Lima Peru, fluent in Spanish, with a woman I thought had similar problems with me with men, and lived without a man in her life in fear of men hoping to meet "the one." She led me to believe that she was shy with men, sexually reserved, and inexperienced. She immediately fell in love with me, we got married after 9 months together and not a single argument or fight, we bought a new apartment, I worked a decent job, and I was taking university classes to continue my career for OUR future for 2 years until the current crisis.
Replies