The boys
I look at the boys and think to myself...why would he do this to them. Me I can take it but why it to our children. It makes me so sad because I'm trying to shield them from any hurt but I know I won't be able to. They don't realize what will happen in the future because it looks status quo to them. They ask about their dad when he's at work..."when is he coming home"....what do I say when he doesn't in the future. Their lives have been thru changes in start of daycare, me having to start work soon, not being able to be there for them much in the future for school projects, being able to take them places during the day and spending time with them like I did, and having me as the primary caregiver, not to mention the possiblity of finding a new place to live...smaller (which is ok) and sharing a room, only being able to bring a few things with them. This is why I'm sad and I find it so hard. How do I explain to a 6 year old?! He/both will be mad at me for this...I think I can take it because he heard me tell his dad to leave, so it will always be my fault. I feel guilty, so guilty about that. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I don't think I'll get over this.
Replies
I am so sorry for you pain. I am right there with you sister.
Tonight we tell our 8 year old daughter that her daddy is leaving. It is tearing me apart!
Stay strong. Our kids will be mad at us, but our love and honesty will bind us even closer to them. we will be the ones who didn\'t leave.
I can identify with what you are feeling all too well. I\'ll be able to process the rejection just fine in due time, but I struggle with how the divorce will impact my son. Clearly, cheating spouses don\'t think through the collateral damage of their selfish actions on our children.
I have been reading lots of material on how to deal with children through this; the biggest item that keeps coming up is to remind them how much you love them and to let them know they will be taken care of no matter what.
Take care of yourself today.....
So sorry you are having to go through this. I am pissed off at your husband and I don\'t even know him, but it just ticks me off that one more parent is doing this to their family. I still cant\' believe my STBX chose that idiot over her girls.
One day your kids will understand why you did what you did and they will admire you for standing up for yourself. You are setting a good example for them and letting them know it is NOT okay for a man to treat a woman like that. Its not okay for anyone to treat anybody like that.
Just really try to focus on them and on healing yourself. I know it is so difficult but in the long run, it really is for the best. My girls are struggling at times but they are starting to pull through and I can tell they are starting to think of our new place as home and getting adjusted.
Big hugs to you. (((llmt)))
I agree with everyone. I told my kids that both parents love them very much and that would not change. Although, in my mind, I think that the other half is self-centered and cares only momentarily about what the kids think and then he is just about himself. The books say that is the way to handle it. The kids need to know where they are going to be, when will they see the other half and all that. Alot of structure. I sure HOPE you are getting help with legal issues. Please get the book Surviving Divorce it might really really help protect you and your kids so you don\'t have to lose so much...including time with them. Shoot, I would send you my copy. I am sorry you are going through this. Do you have any support there?