The Big Lonely
Oh my Darling,
I miss you so much. Our home is just where I live now. It no longer feels like home since you
departed this world. It was always a joy to cook, clean and care for our home while you were here. Now I seem frozen. I don't want to do anything. Cooking? Ha! A bowl of cold cereal and coffee. Lunch and dinner? An egg sandwich or a microwaved potato. You know how much I have always enjoyed cooking and trying new recipes and regional foods we've sampled in our travels. We never bought bread. I loved baking for you. Now it just doesn't matter.
Not much matters these days. I'm just putting in my time. The whole country is obsessed with current events; elections, immigration, terrorism, politics and fear. It just doesn't matter. We live, we love, we die. We have so little control. Only our love. And I will love you until the end of time. And I know you loved me til the end of your time. That great love of ours sustains me. I wander through the memories of 44 years of our life together.
People tell me I need to go and do. That I still have a life to live. I am not interested in some kind of life without you. I am more content wrapping myself in our past and reliving those good times in my mind. I'm sure you smile when I put a phony "everything's fine" face and tell people I'm doing well. You know I am just an empty she'll without you here beside me. I just don't know how to do this. We have been together all of my adult life. I don't know how to be without you. So I will continue to try to go through a daily routine and 'hug your pillow when the missing turns to moisture and flows down my cheeks. Our precious 4 year old grandson says it best in his nightly prayer "Dear Jesus, Please let everything go back to normal and let everybody go back to life again." Good night sweet man, I will always love you.
I miss you so much. Our home is just where I live now. It no longer feels like home since you
departed this world. It was always a joy to cook, clean and care for our home while you were here. Now I seem frozen. I don't want to do anything. Cooking? Ha! A bowl of cold cereal and coffee. Lunch and dinner? An egg sandwich or a microwaved potato. You know how much I have always enjoyed cooking and trying new recipes and regional foods we've sampled in our travels. We never bought bread. I loved baking for you. Now it just doesn't matter.
Not much matters these days. I'm just putting in my time. The whole country is obsessed with current events; elections, immigration, terrorism, politics and fear. It just doesn't matter. We live, we love, we die. We have so little control. Only our love. And I will love you until the end of time. And I know you loved me til the end of your time. That great love of ours sustains me. I wander through the memories of 44 years of our life together.
People tell me I need to go and do. That I still have a life to live. I am not interested in some kind of life without you. I am more content wrapping myself in our past and reliving those good times in my mind. I'm sure you smile when I put a phony "everything's fine" face and tell people I'm doing well. You know I am just an empty she'll without you here beside me. I just don't know how to do this. We have been together all of my adult life. I don't know how to be without you. So I will continue to try to go through a daily routine and 'hug your pillow when the missing turns to moisture and flows down my cheeks. Our precious 4 year old grandson says it best in his nightly prayer "Dear Jesus, Please let everything go back to normal and let everybody go back to life again." Good night sweet man, I will always love you.
Replies