The best is yet to come
Ah, my first positive journal entry. That in itself is amazing. The best is yet to come - this is my new motto because to be quite honest, the past wasn't all that great. Yeah, I loved him with my whole heart and soul, and yeah I fought for the last 8 months to save my marriage, but now that the papers have been filed, I can look at my marriage with more clarity and less emotion. That final thread of hope has been severed and in it's place is closure. I know it's not over yet, the worst part may still be in front of me, but I'm not sitting on the fence any longer. It feels good to know the final outcome of this long rollercoaster ride. It may not be what I've wanted, but it is what it is. I'm not looking forward to the next coming months. I'm expecting a battle from him. He's so wrapped up in himself, that he's not thinking rationally and he's gonna think I'm out to screw him. I'm truly not - I only want what's fair to me after giving him 23 years of my life, giving up my career to be at home with our kids, losing his 401K and our home equity to a business deal that I told him was a bad idea. I just want to be able to live comfortably from this day forward. I'm ready to have it over with. I don't want it to drag on for months and months. I've put together another proposal based on my attorney's advice. It's a fair one - 50/50 split. But I know he's gonna think because he makes more money (lots more) that I do, he should get more money. It doesn't work that way. Too bad, so sad. (sld1 :)) I'm going to sit with him one last time to try and work this out ourselves before turning it over completely to our attorney's. The bottom line is, he wants this and if he want's it quickly, he better just sign on the dotted line. My propsal will be NON-NEGOTIABLE and NON-MODIFIABLE. I'll take it to the judge if I have to but if he forces my hand with this, than I'm going to bring the infidelity into the fold. I'm not being unreasonable just because he may think I am. His opinion doesn't matter to me anymore. Anyway, I feel good today. Somehow his filing of the papers, in as much as it hurt me, has also brought me closure. It's truly over and done and all that's left is the divorce itself.
Replies
Chrissy: Way to go!!!! My attorney made sure the judge knew about the infidelity. It doesn\'t really matter to a judge but she already thinks less of him. The judge actually said to my stbx\'s attorney it sounds like you have John Edwards as a client. LOL
The day you can harden your heart (and it sounds like you have) is the day they can\'t do as much damage any more. When I told my stbx what I wanted (after working with a divorce mediator/therapist for 8 months) he was furious. His first offer to me was so bad I thought I would have a heart attack when I read it. His offer will be really bad too. Expect it. Pretrial should be good for you.
Keep doing the No Contact as much as humanly possible. If you meet to discuss the divorce settlement, meet in a public place and ask for a corner table. Have as much printed off about your state laws as possible. Have a copy for him. I told him I added up the last five years of our income tax and divided by 5 and I wanted half of that. The judge did it for the last year only and took out what she thinks I can earn but I get to see every years tax return. Stbx lied and said an employee embezzeled from the company and that\'s why he had a bad year. The truth is he spent so much time with OW he almost put the company under. It\'s back now so I should only not get as much for a year or so. Expect him to lie.
You\'re doing so good. I can\'t wait to meet you in OH.
Sue
I am so glad you feel like this. I am so happy for you. Growth and strength and progress.
I feel like a whipped dog. Every . Damn. Day.
I know you have had a major struggle through this whole process and I\'m glad you\'re getting closure. It is a long road but I hope it goes peacefully for you. Keep us posted so that we know how to pray and support you. I did not realize he\'d lost his 401K and your home equity. Sort of the financial bind my X left me in. Because of that, it has not been hard to see that in the future this is a good thing for me. It\'s just getting closure on the family unit. How are your kids doing through all this? Hugs my friend.
Congratulations and way to go. I am so happy for you in the fact that you have taken a BIG step forward towards healing. It is very empowering when we realize that the stbx does not have as much hold over us any more. Not to say that the pain is not there, but it is a big step in the right direction. I am only a few steps ahead of you, but I agree THE BEST IT YET TO COME! I hope that I have your strength when we sit down in a few weeks to try a settlement without a trial. I do not have much faith, but at least I will be able to tell my girls that I tried. We have given them so much of ourselves and our lives, it is time to take it back and live for us. Can\'t wait to hear about your new adventurs. Big Hugs to you and a toast of champagne and chocolate.
Glad to hear you\'re feeling good. Hang on to that and refer back to it if arrows start to fly. Best of luck.
Chrissy, I\'m so proud of you. You are getting stronger, I believe acceptance is the hardest hurdle to overcome. Once there it does make things a little easier.
I only wish I had hit this earlier.
I also realize the biggest mistake I\'ve made is and was not to have a lawyer file immediately - perhaps I would have been finished this process by now had i done that. Stay strong with your demands - and you know what we sohould haven\'t to expect to take less than what we deserve. Hang on tight, lean on all that are here to get you through. There will be rocky days ahead,just let me know when you need a hug~but you are absolutely right my friend the best is yet to come! We will have it because we deserve it!
Chrissy, congrats on reaching yet another milestone - acceptance ! You seem energized and ready to handle the business end of things, keep up the momentum.
Chrissy, you are doing great! I am glad you have hit the point of acceptance! Hang on tight, as the rollercoaster ride isn\'t over, but keep your sights focused on the future and what you deserve! Hang in there and enjoy those good days! Congratulations to you!
Hugs to you!
Chrissy,
You are doing a great job looking to the future.When it is all said and done, you will be so much better off without him.Hold on to your new positive attitude as it will bring you strength for the future!
Glad you are ready to move forward and seize the day. With you all the way!
So proud of you hun..you are an inspiration!!