The beginning of my path to smoke-freedom

Back around the beginning of 2002 I began having an ache in the upper right area of my chest, in the same area where there had been a persistent gurgle and wheeze in my lung for at least year before.  As the year progressed, the ache increased somewhat and began occupying a larger area.  During this time, I also began feeling crappy overall - low grade ache as if my skin hurt, general weakness and tiredness, almost like I was getting the flu. Then I started having problems swallowing things.  It felt like a lump was forming in my throat and food, especially meat, bread, and potatoes, would get stuck.  Sometimes I could get it down with water, but sometimes it wouldn't and that got embarrassing in restaurants. Toward the end of 2002 the pain in my chest spread up into my right collarbone area, then into my shoulder and down my arm, following muscle tissue.  By the beginning of 2003 it was almost to my right hand.   The only thing I could come up with to explain it was lung cancer that had spread to my throat and muscle tissue.  I have never feared dying and life wasn't that great at the time, so I simply accepted my fate and continued smoking, knowing as I did so that smoking was the cause of my condition.  Within a couple of months, though, something within me changed and I became more desirous of living.  Now, what was stopping me was the prospect of learning what I suspected was true and having to tell my wife.  Actually, the having to tell my wife was the big demotivator.  To see her reaction, well, for a while I felt it better to just pass away instead.  Finally, though, in the spring of 2003, around February or March, the desire to live finally outweighed the discomfort of telling my wife, so I made the doctor's appointment. He suspected a pinched nerve was responsible for the pain, prescribed an anti-inflammation medicine, as well as a muscle relaxer.  He also gave me a referral to an ENT for the lump-in-the-throat/swallowing problem.  Before my appointment with the ENT which was about 2 weeks later, the pain in my chest, shoulder, and arm had gone away.  The ENT had a CAT scan done to check my sinuses for infection, and an esophagram to see how my throat was working.  His diagnosis was presbyesophagus, or “old person’s esophagus”.  I was born with a large hiatal hernia and required corrective surgery when I was 5 days old. As a result, I’ve had acid reflux for most of my life and that has damaged my esophagus.  The ENT prescribed an over-the-counter antacid and raising the head of the bed a few inches.   When he said “There is no tumor…” I was so relieved that I don’t remember much of anything after that.  It’s a good thing he wrote down what I was supposed to do.  I’d been given a new lease on life, the crisis was over, and I could smoke without worry again.  In fact, I lit up as I left his office and walked to the car.  Why not?  I was still okay and had plenty of life left in me.  Again. That started my path to quitting.  That incident started the 2 years of close analysis of my smoking which eventually led to my being so disgusted with smoking I had no choice but to quit. One final thought I’ve had since I quit and became more aware of the dangers of smoking and second-hand smoke.  Both my parents smoked and I was conceived during a time when smoking was fashionable and proper.  I don’t know if my mother smoked while she carried me, but I’m sure my father did and I’m sure they socialized with smokers.  I now wonder if my birth defect, which had a 75% mortality rate at that time (very early 1950’s), was caused by my mother inhaling smoke.  I’ll never know for sure, but I do feel that it was. Bless your hearts.  Keep up the great quits. Shevie