The beauty of living alone
It's been 5 weeks since I moved in with my Dad. I did it for him. He's 82 and I felt he needed me. Now I want to be totally selfish and leave. The truth is, I'm so miserable here and I just want to be alone. I don't want to get up and hear negative conversations again. I don't want to deal with my father's problems because I'm just not strong enough. I long to come home from work and find only a dog and a bird to deal with, that's all. I want to sit down and enjoy a television program by myself. I want to put things where I want to. I want to have an opinion and not hear the I'm the father and you need to respect me speech.
I want to be an adult.
This Saturday was a good example of my miserable life. My grandkids came over with my stepdaughter and her husband. It was suppose to be a good day. And a special one as it was the day before my wedding anniversary. My grandkids are 9 months and 6 years old. The boy is active so we sat downstairs in our fully finished basement so he could run. The whole time they were here my father mostly sat upstairs, coming down to chat a few times.
The next day, the minute I woke up, my father told me that he didn't want my grandson to run in the basement. He's frightened that the parents might sue him if he were to get hurt. This command was barked at me, not said in a nice way. This inspite of the fact that I kept him downstairs and away from my father and the basement is perfectly safe.
It's more of my father wanting to be the one in charge.
In addition to that, I was told that he didn't want my son-in-law to come upstairs alone. I'm to follow him as he's not certain he can be trusted.
I was told that I better do what he tells me to do as this is his house and I'm his daughter. He also said that he really doesn't want to be bothered with company and that if my son-in-law comes over, my father has to be home. Basically, this reminds me of the parent telling the child that they can't have male company unless the parent is home. I'm 53.
I've spent over 30,000 dollars this year maintaining his house and he's still looking for more money. I told him that I moved back home not back in time. I'm not 15. I'm a senior citizen. A big argument followed and now I'm thinking for the first time in my life that I need to be selfish and move out. I don't feel good about this choice, but even in the best of times I'm totally miserable here. I work more now just so I don't have to stay here. I spend my time in restaurants so I don't have to stay here. And my latest, I've joined a health club so I can escape.
Add to all of this, I have a dog coming home that I purchased last month and I actually feel sorry for her. She's in a person's home now being trained, but look what awaits her: misery, misery, misery.
It's not that I don't love my father. I do. But I need to be by myself. I can't handle all the drama that comes with living here. I just want to get him on his feet financially and then get my own place. So far I planning to do this in eight months but that seems so far away.
I want to be an adult.
This Saturday was a good example of my miserable life. My grandkids came over with my stepdaughter and her husband. It was suppose to be a good day. And a special one as it was the day before my wedding anniversary. My grandkids are 9 months and 6 years old. The boy is active so we sat downstairs in our fully finished basement so he could run. The whole time they were here my father mostly sat upstairs, coming down to chat a few times.
The next day, the minute I woke up, my father told me that he didn't want my grandson to run in the basement. He's frightened that the parents might sue him if he were to get hurt. This command was barked at me, not said in a nice way. This inspite of the fact that I kept him downstairs and away from my father and the basement is perfectly safe.
It's more of my father wanting to be the one in charge.
In addition to that, I was told that he didn't want my son-in-law to come upstairs alone. I'm to follow him as he's not certain he can be trusted.
I was told that I better do what he tells me to do as this is his house and I'm his daughter. He also said that he really doesn't want to be bothered with company and that if my son-in-law comes over, my father has to be home. Basically, this reminds me of the parent telling the child that they can't have male company unless the parent is home. I'm 53.
I've spent over 30,000 dollars this year maintaining his house and he's still looking for more money. I told him that I moved back home not back in time. I'm not 15. I'm a senior citizen. A big argument followed and now I'm thinking for the first time in my life that I need to be selfish and move out. I don't feel good about this choice, but even in the best of times I'm totally miserable here. I work more now just so I don't have to stay here. I spend my time in restaurants so I don't have to stay here. And my latest, I've joined a health club so I can escape.
Add to all of this, I have a dog coming home that I purchased last month and I actually feel sorry for her. She's in a person's home now being trained, but look what awaits her: misery, misery, misery.
It's not that I don't love my father. I do. But I need to be by myself. I can't handle all the drama that comes with living here. I just want to get him on his feet financially and then get my own place. So far I planning to do this in eight months but that seems so far away.
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