The background story
I grew up knowing I wanted to wait til marriage to have sex. I was so innocent and unexpreienced. But High School made that hard, when all boys wanted at that age was to get some.
I had an high school sweetheart, my first love... I was jealous of his friendship with this other girl so I broke up with him... during our breakup he lost this virginity to someone else.
We got back together and I found this out... I was hurt/upset because I knew that now it wouldn't be the same between us. I knew he would want to have sex with me and I wasn't ready. I felt less pressured to have sex when we were both virgins... but after he lost his... our relationship was all about when I wanted to have sex. I at least wanted to feel safe to do so, I wanted to know that it wasn't just about sex with him, that if He loved me, he would not pressure me and wait. That time never came, because he broke up with me because of it.
I later found out that he had sex with one of my childhood friends who lived doors down from me..
Fast forward to College...
I still wanted to wait til marriage. Don't get me wrong I got horny, had some intense make out sessions and maybe even tip-toed a little to close to having sex, but I was virgin.
There was this guy who lived a couple blocks up from me (I lived on 46, he lived on 49, hence my name on here 46to49)... I always thought he was attractive... he sent me a fb request and we became friends. We would play cans together, cards, and he was into making music (which was also a passion of mine), so I would go over his house to his self-made studio in his basement. I loved his company. I had this very physical attraction to him (lust). Our relationship became a friends with benefits type of thing, I loved kissing him. Even thinking about his kisses sent shivers up my spine. I loved his hugs, I felt like butter and he was a hot biscuit lol. We would make out heavy, He was the first guy I smoked weed with, and the first guy I went down on...I felt safe with him... we even tried a relationship but I broke it off because I felt like we never went past the friends w/ benefit stage... He didn't give me words of affirmation.. I never knew how he truly felt about me... I needed more of just the physical with him... I needed a deeper connection.
Even though I broke it off, we were still cool... I still wanted to hang but we didn't as much anymore...
My last year of college, I met my current boyfriend. He was the sweetest guy. The best. He gave me what all my other realtionships were lacking to be honest. He was handsome, caring and kind. At first I put him in the friendzone... I couldn't even see myself kissing him... but we did one day...and he became my man lol (my bestfriend)...
He never pressured me... things just were getting to intense physically so I ended up losing my virgin to him. I don't feel like it was a mistake. We fell in love and are still together today.
Now... a year and some months into the relationship, the boy on 49 wrote me on fb (I had him blocked the whole time because for 1 I really liked him.. but he had moved on with other chicks, chicks he took pictures of, that he publicly announced as gf (something he never did with me, that always bothered me so I couldn't deal and blocked him). I don't remember when I unblocked him but I did for I don't know why... but he wrote me.
We picked it up like old friends... "how are you, good, good, in a realtionship now, me too blah blah blah"
.... We talked, I told him I lost my virgnity,
the converstion was kind of flirtatious/kind of tip-toeing around what we already knew. He wanted to meet... (I knew and he knew what meeting him meant) he said he was down the street... ( I always talked to him with anticipation, this boy sent shivers up my spine (like forreal) I knew if I met him I would want to touch him... if we had sex I wouldn't want to stop and I told him that
I started thinking completely wrong, and selfishly, like "Do I really wanna be with one person for the rest of my life" "I always wanted to have sex with 49, I know it would be good, I only live once!
You guys I wanted to...
And I asked him do you want to meet up because we never did it (had sex) or because it's me? He said both and that was my answer to.
We had sex that night.
I became a cheater.
I look back on it now and it scares me how ready I was just to throw it all away for him.
After that My whole identity changed.
Replies
With whom and when you chose to lose your virginity is for you to determine. A part of you wanted to save it for that special moment with that special person. The other part of you was curious with raging hormones.
My daughter used to date guys for a week or two at the most before breaking up. I was a little perplexed about this, wondering if perhaps she just didn't know what she wanted yet in boyfriend or if she was too picky. I later found out that she would get serious with them and felt pressured into having sex and would break things off. This went on throughout her high school until she found herself a boyfriend that she now has been with for over 5 years. She's happy she chose to experience this with him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a sexual experience with someone that you are in to. However, going about it the way you did shows lack of respect for the boyfriend you are with. Lack of respect to you by guy 49. If he truly respected you, he would have asked or waited for you to break up with your bf before cheating with you.
He's using you.
You weren't good enough to be called a girlfriend before when you were a virgin because that would require too much effort right?
Good enough to have sex with now. The saying is if they reach out to you just on Thursday through Saturday then you are nothing more than a booty call/friends with benefits. If you reach out Sunday all the way through to the weekend, then you wanted to make sure you had a date secure with your gf.
His actions already say a lot.