The Arrows Point to Nowhere

I have had trouble sleeping over the last few weeks.  I have taken on responsibility while my boss is out of town and worried she'll find mistakes when she get's back which will prevent her from hiring me permanantly.  I am still plagued with the decision of what to do regarding my living situation.  I want so much to make it on my own but worried if this job desn't go thru, Ill never be able to accomplish that.  Then there is being in a relationship with someone I clearly don't love.  It's weird, but, it's more of an unconditional love.  Kindve like that person who's there to help you move you along but at the same time we are both co-dependant which explains why he cant let go and I can't leave.  

It's scary, I'm nearing 50.  My choices are running low.  I either leap now and worry what will happen in the future or stay and wonder what if.  These decisions as well as making simple ones make me extremly anxious.  I don't know what to do anymore but i'm depressed and ran down.