the anniversary of Brads death by vader

 The anniversay of Brads death is coming up on Sunday the 22nd of August and already i feel so out of it.It was such a shock to me and I will never forget his final act.Brad died in my arms and I will never forget this.What can you say about a man who at 49 commits suicide? What can I say? All I can say is that I* am still in shock and noone will understand my pain or my shock for I did not go to school to learn this.I have been crying and i have been thinking and thinking if things were different.YOu see,Brad did not talk much and he wasnt a talkative guy and this is what has bothered me.When a person doesnt talk nor read the paper nor go to book stores or read at all....something is the matter and i will not forget this.Some people just dont like to read and I am in a fugue why.I read 2 books a week and various magazines and I have done this all of my life since Catholic school.Brad was so afraid to reach out.He didnt like to talk and he didnt like to socialize and he didnt like to mingle but he liked to drink and drink heavily when he had problems and this is what alcohol does.I will never forget Brad and I will never forget his smile and I will never forget the love that we once shared and I will never forget it all and sometimes I wish I was release by his death,.but I am not,i feel worse and I feel so out of it and noone will ever know my pain again.Noone.Not even the riches man in the world.

Replies

inmemoryofhattie
inmemoryofhattie

I think you are right that no one knows your very very great pain.

We each know our own pain and how horrible it feels... how sad, how frightening, how overwhelming. We can only use this to know that you hurt and to offer support and caring to you that you may someday find peace and comfort and good memories.