That was hell.

What a doozy. I went to sleep in the afternoon to take a nap for a few hours. It was i think the worst nightmares ive ever had. Mabey not the most frightening, but i cant remember ever having a worst one. I wont go into what it was about,but the devil had control of my mind. Not like fantasy dreaming about it, but he litterally had control over my mind will i was asleep. I dreamed and did and felt exactly what he wanted me to in the dream for the five hours i was asleep. I think god used it though. I was reminded again how bad of shape my mind is in. Sometimes i get complacent and complain, but i definitly shouldnt.Sometimes i get mad and fustrated with people in my life, but what if I lost all social skills and adeptness, and i was completely unable to express myself, to laugh, to make laugh, to show affection, to be respected. Ive been here before, actually for most of my life. I got fustrated becuase i heard someone say i was a dissapointment becuase i have never found an occupation or been able to hold down a job, so i again, as i have in the past, put my nose to the grindstone and tried to be proactive, productive, and focused to make somthing out of my life. This is likely the reason my brain malfunctioned while i was asleep. On my meds and with my condition if i dont try to get comfortable and go with the flow, or put little to no strain into what i do the stress triggers these kinds of episodes. Lifes tough but this woke me to see it could be hell of a lot worse. Thats my trial i guess. No great work, or even work in that matter. I just have to learn to BE.