That Was a Really Dumb Thing to Do!
Today is Thanksgiving and I've been kind of sad though I really believe my decision was the smartest one I could have made. For the first time in my 58 years of life I am completely ignoring my favorite holiday of the year. Smart maybe but it has been a tough one. I chose to go to work instead to keep me completely out of the holiday mood. Keeps my mind off it.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it's all about family. It is warmth and hugs and kids and stories and wonderful, fantastic smells as everyone gathers to share this one special day of the year with our extended families and friends. Unfortunately for me this year is that, other than family, Thanksgiving really strongly revolves around food. Preparations begin weeks in advance to share a bountiful feast with those we care about the most. In preparing and sharing this feast we thanks for all the gifts the universe has provided for us and for the gifts of love, friends and family.
Being one of the matriarchs of this wonderful extended family means that I do a good portion of the cooking. I cook the turkey in the outdoor smoker, make the gravy, oyster stuffing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, bake fresh homemade Challah and usually make a fruit salad. At 4 weeks post-op I am still on 2-3 ounce portions of pureed food! How do I cook a feast and not pop a piece of stuffing in my mouth to check the flavor as I adjust the seasonings? Cooking is so second nature to me I probably eat a whole regular meal's worth of taste testing as I cook without my brain even registering that I ate something.
That was my dilemma. I could so easily pick something up and eat it as I strolled by before my mind ever noticed. At this stage of healing that could do some significant damage. So I chose to avoid the situation entirely. The boys went to Brandon and Wendy's house for Thanksgiving and I went to work. No smells of Thanksgiving feast to tempt me. No taste-testing all the delicious foods as they cooked. No chance of damaging my healing pouch and ending up back in the hospital because I did something stupid.
The other side of the coin is that it is my favorite holiday of the year and I am sad that I am not with my family smelling the smells, hugging them and sharing this wonderful holiday with them. It is safer for sure but still very sad for me.
So what is the really dumb thing I did? Feeling sad and deprived I started rationalizing that since I get to graduate from puree to soft foods in 4 days it's probably close enough to try a little now. I kept thinking of all those foods I was missing and how I just needed to chew something. I thought...scrambled eggs with some finely chopped thinly sliced ham and cheese was very soft and pretty close to puree. That was the dumb thing. One baby spoonful yielded immediate mid-sternal pressure and pain, and a literal return on my investment so to speak.
At this point in my learning process I am really struggling with 2 things. One is not getting ahead of where I am in the healing process and eat foods I'm dying to eat. They may be healthy foods but my new little stomach is just not ready for them. The other struggle is the no drinking and eating at the same time rule.
I've really been both hungry and thirsty lately, especially while I'm working. I'm so thirsty I want to just gulp not sip. Not a good plan. Oops I drank, I have to wait to eat but I'm so very hungry. I just ate and I really have to wait 30 minutes before I can have a sip of water? Important to follow the bariatric rules but so very difficult at times. Drink w/pureed food and it washes right through. Blink and I'm hungry again. It's a process! I so long for the day when I can get through my day automatically without having to have "the rules" in front of my face at every little turn. I'm sure that day will come but it certainly is not today. No worries. My little pouch is very good at correcting me when I screw up. Ouch!
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it's all about family. It is warmth and hugs and kids and stories and wonderful, fantastic smells as everyone gathers to share this one special day of the year with our extended families and friends. Unfortunately for me this year is that, other than family, Thanksgiving really strongly revolves around food. Preparations begin weeks in advance to share a bountiful feast with those we care about the most. In preparing and sharing this feast we thanks for all the gifts the universe has provided for us and for the gifts of love, friends and family.
Being one of the matriarchs of this wonderful extended family means that I do a good portion of the cooking. I cook the turkey in the outdoor smoker, make the gravy, oyster stuffing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, bake fresh homemade Challah and usually make a fruit salad. At 4 weeks post-op I am still on 2-3 ounce portions of pureed food! How do I cook a feast and not pop a piece of stuffing in my mouth to check the flavor as I adjust the seasonings? Cooking is so second nature to me I probably eat a whole regular meal's worth of taste testing as I cook without my brain even registering that I ate something.
That was my dilemma. I could so easily pick something up and eat it as I strolled by before my mind ever noticed. At this stage of healing that could do some significant damage. So I chose to avoid the situation entirely. The boys went to Brandon and Wendy's house for Thanksgiving and I went to work. No smells of Thanksgiving feast to tempt me. No taste-testing all the delicious foods as they cooked. No chance of damaging my healing pouch and ending up back in the hospital because I did something stupid.
The other side of the coin is that it is my favorite holiday of the year and I am sad that I am not with my family smelling the smells, hugging them and sharing this wonderful holiday with them. It is safer for sure but still very sad for me.
So what is the really dumb thing I did? Feeling sad and deprived I started rationalizing that since I get to graduate from puree to soft foods in 4 days it's probably close enough to try a little now. I kept thinking of all those foods I was missing and how I just needed to chew something. I thought...scrambled eggs with some finely chopped thinly sliced ham and cheese was very soft and pretty close to puree. That was the dumb thing. One baby spoonful yielded immediate mid-sternal pressure and pain, and a literal return on my investment so to speak.
At this point in my learning process I am really struggling with 2 things. One is not getting ahead of where I am in the healing process and eat foods I'm dying to eat. They may be healthy foods but my new little stomach is just not ready for them. The other struggle is the no drinking and eating at the same time rule.
I've really been both hungry and thirsty lately, especially while I'm working. I'm so thirsty I want to just gulp not sip. Not a good plan. Oops I drank, I have to wait to eat but I'm so very hungry. I just ate and I really have to wait 30 minutes before I can have a sip of water? Important to follow the bariatric rules but so very difficult at times. Drink w/pureed food and it washes right through. Blink and I'm hungry again. It's a process! I so long for the day when I can get through my day automatically without having to have "the rules" in front of my face at every little turn. I'm sure that day will come but it certainly is not today. No worries. My little pouch is very good at correcting me when I screw up. Ouch!
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