That tiny spark......
Yesterday, I would hear from his other sister. I did try to explain to her when questioned. My reasons for still wanting and going ahead with the divorce.
I would be told how both her marriages were based on lies..(in effect being warned I would be taken advantage of as well) ..how there are so many marriages like ours with little affection and help. When I mentioned wanting someone I could actually commicate with and tell everything without having to censor my thoughts or words....she explains it is always easier bare our souls to strangers than those we are close to..
And we can't forget the advise to try counseling with an unbiased third party instead of "untrained professionals". Translation...stay off the internet and DS. (To me, sharing with others who are also struggling and here to encourage and support me has actually saved me so far.)
I did dance around a very big issue for awhile....Do you know how embarrassing it is to try tactfully to explain I need to be touched and feel loved? (How about I am not dead yet and I need sex???)
All my life, I would come to realize there are a lot of things I never got to experience. couldn't go beyond HS....as a result, no opportunity to do something I would have preferred (and made a better lining) ...never truly had someone who truly wanted me or felt passion. Never blessed with a child... For some reason.... I still have that small glimmer of hope left deep inside. I am tired of others trying to put it out!