That tiny spark......

Yesterday, I would hear from his other sister. I did try to explain to her when questioned. My reasons for still wanting and going ahead with the divorce.


I would be told how both her marriages were based on lies..(in effect being warned I would be taken advantage of as well) ..how there are so many marriages like ours with little affection and help. When I mentioned wanting someone I could actually commicate with and tell everything without having to censor my thoughts or words....she explains it is always easier bare our souls to strangers than those we are close to..


And we can't forget the advise to try counseling  with an unbiased third party instead of "untrained professionals". Translation...stay off the internet and DS. (To me, sharing with others who are also struggling and here to encourage and support me has actually saved me so far.)


I did dance around a very big issue for awhile....Do you know how embarrassing it is to try tactfully to explain I need to be touched and feel loved? (How about I am not dead yet and I need sex???)


All my life, I would come to realize there are a lot of things I never got to experience. couldn't go beyond HS....as a result, no opportunity to do something I would have preferred (and made a better lining) ...never truly  had someone who truly wanted me or felt passion. Never blessed with a child... For some reason.... I still have that small glimmer of hope left deep inside. I am tired of others trying to put it out!

Replies

rmb
rmb

I think DS is more about sharing and being heard, to get different perspectives. Counseling is awesome but serves a different purpose, I think. Both are super valuable.

I don't think you owe an explanation to anyone outside of your husband for wanting to divorce. And you don't owe anyone an explanation for what you're needing from a partner.

Don't let anyone get in your way.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen

Thank you.
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow

That was great advice! I have received some myself here. Ds has helped me understand myself a little more and given me more compassion for others. Sounds pretty healthy to me. Absolutely don’t have to explain you to anyone but you. As we are all human we desire and hope. Helps start a new day without pulling the covers over and going back to sleep. While I enjoy being a part of discussions here it is also helping me (among other things) reconnect with my wife and we are sharing far more personal thoughts. So what could be wrong with that? I’m so thankful I found this site and ‘meet’ some of the sensitive people here.
ShaneG
ShaneG

People just LOVE to tell us what to do yet they have never walked a mile in our shoes. I'm sure your sister in-law has good intentions. Divorce is not fun BUT waking up everyday being unhappy and feeling unloved is even worse. I'm happy that you are making your own decisions in life. People will always try to tell you what to do with good intentions but in your own heart is where the true answers live :) God bless my friend! The next few months will be difficult BUT you are strong and a better life awaits!
MaryContrary
MaryContrary

I feel like you do. I still have a tiny spark of hope for a better future. We are alot alike except I have not been married. I have loved and lost several times. It is easier to talk here than to those I know or relatives. It came to my conscious mind not long ago that I have many relatives but no real "family". There is a difference.
Take care.