That's was the biggest wave of grief I've had in a long time...
It amazes me how the subconscious KNOWS when the conscious doesn't....
My frustration and sadness the other day - ok, this whole past 2 weeks, lol - has been to prepare me. I pick up my camper tomorrow morning. And that SHOULD be a good thing, but instead, it is and ISN'T. Camping was always our favorite pastime - Mine and my husband's. When he got the camper in the divorce, I felt like it was the BIGGEST sacrifice I had to make. Which is funny because nothing worked, it had holes, and it was old and had some damage, lol... NOW, I know the true reason why I bought this one.
My subconscious KNOWS it's time... time to let go and time to grow. Was I ready? Yes and no. Yes because I feel strong enough to move forward but at the same time no because it means facing the past, experiencing the FULL grief that I've been avoiding. lol, I'm sure you are thinking "there's MORE?" And there was. I've been hiding it, ignoring it, pretending it didn't hurt so much....
Until the past 2 weeks. The growth started first with the patience I had to work on with the mechanic. Yesterday, the full force of the grief came. Someone online mentioned not pitying someone who is Narcissitic. And I HAD to reply. And in replying, I had to mentally review EVERYTHING in our life together. Most specifically the parts of him I loved the most in the beginning... his generosity toward people - especially when he helped one of my best friends get out of an abusive relationship without telling me (she told me) and how he would go out of his way to comfort patients in the nursing home he worked at (his coworkers told me), and how much he was loved by the patients (you should have seen the Christmas gifts we'd get from them - crocheted ornaments, recipes that all involved prunes, lol), and I had to review US and how he gave me all my dreams because he didn't have any of his own....
Yep, lots of tears this week. They all came to a head when I called the Forest Service about when our favorite campground opens up this month. That's when I KNEW what my subconscious was telling me. Time to let go... time to grow...
I'm volunteering Sunday at the Humane Society through the church. My back is almost healed so I should be good. I asked my son to come let the dogs out for me that afternoon. And ran into something I wasn't expecting..... a BOUNDARY. My son thinks he can just come over and open the door. But it's not that simple - Bear has been getting REALLY aggressive with my back neighbor. To the point that I don't trust Bear not to do the same with my son. And so I asked him to come over before while I'm here so I can tell Bear it's ok.... my son refused, said "I've got this" (we were talking via text). And as I'm thinking about my concerns this morning, I realize this is another LESSON. I'm being ignored... I'm not being listened to. And it can be dangerous for everyone.
And so, tonite, I'm putting my foot down. I'm going to try one more time in asking my son to do as I ask and if he refuses, I'm going to explain that I'm going to have to call another friend who will do it correctly. What if I piss him off? That's OK. Because I'm not going to allow ANYONE - especially family - to disrespect me anymore. I GET BOUNDARIES!
LATER!
My frustration and sadness the other day - ok, this whole past 2 weeks, lol - has been to prepare me. I pick up my camper tomorrow morning. And that SHOULD be a good thing, but instead, it is and ISN'T. Camping was always our favorite pastime - Mine and my husband's. When he got the camper in the divorce, I felt like it was the BIGGEST sacrifice I had to make. Which is funny because nothing worked, it had holes, and it was old and had some damage, lol... NOW, I know the true reason why I bought this one.
My subconscious KNOWS it's time... time to let go and time to grow. Was I ready? Yes and no. Yes because I feel strong enough to move forward but at the same time no because it means facing the past, experiencing the FULL grief that I've been avoiding. lol, I'm sure you are thinking "there's MORE?" And there was. I've been hiding it, ignoring it, pretending it didn't hurt so much....
Until the past 2 weeks. The growth started first with the patience I had to work on with the mechanic. Yesterday, the full force of the grief came. Someone online mentioned not pitying someone who is Narcissitic. And I HAD to reply. And in replying, I had to mentally review EVERYTHING in our life together. Most specifically the parts of him I loved the most in the beginning... his generosity toward people - especially when he helped one of my best friends get out of an abusive relationship without telling me (she told me) and how he would go out of his way to comfort patients in the nursing home he worked at (his coworkers told me), and how much he was loved by the patients (you should have seen the Christmas gifts we'd get from them - crocheted ornaments, recipes that all involved prunes, lol), and I had to review US and how he gave me all my dreams because he didn't have any of his own....
Yep, lots of tears this week. They all came to a head when I called the Forest Service about when our favorite campground opens up this month. That's when I KNEW what my subconscious was telling me. Time to let go... time to grow...
I'm volunteering Sunday at the Humane Society through the church. My back is almost healed so I should be good. I asked my son to come let the dogs out for me that afternoon. And ran into something I wasn't expecting..... a BOUNDARY. My son thinks he can just come over and open the door. But it's not that simple - Bear has been getting REALLY aggressive with my back neighbor. To the point that I don't trust Bear not to do the same with my son. And so I asked him to come over before while I'm here so I can tell Bear it's ok.... my son refused, said "I've got this" (we were talking via text). And as I'm thinking about my concerns this morning, I realize this is another LESSON. I'm being ignored... I'm not being listened to. And it can be dangerous for everyone.
And so, tonite, I'm putting my foot down. I'm going to try one more time in asking my son to do as I ask and if he refuses, I'm going to explain that I'm going to have to call another friend who will do it correctly. What if I piss him off? That's OK. Because I'm not going to allow ANYONE - especially family - to disrespect me anymore. I GET BOUNDARIES!
LATER!
Replies
Wish I could get boundaries!!!!! But I know inside of me you are right, especially about your son and Bear. So good luck! I know it will work. Maybe not right away but your son will learn, just like you have> (((HUGS)))
You are doing the right thing with your son. I had to do the same with my daughter and it helped us greatly. I set boundaries with someone not long ago and she wasn\'t the friend she pretended to be.
Your son needs to lisen to you and you are right to get someone else to take care of your dogs.