That Rush

Maybe Starbucks is a new pick up place? I've been going there on my lunch break.  Yesterday this cute guy who I thought was way out of my league we were sort of noticing eachother and I smiled alot.  When it was time to go he said "how are you?" and "you're leaving?"  When I said yes he said "why?" and made this hurt expression. I answered "see you later". My shyness and self consciousness and insecurity did not let me do anything more, and I'm having a hard time letting it go.  Today he was not there.  It was so weird.  In the last year or so no date and this may be the one "confirmed" mutual attraction I've had in that time.  Live and learn.   Anyway it inspired me.  I shaved my legs last night.  I'd kind of resolved to a life of celibacy.  He got me thinking. Yet I reviewed my sex conduct and it all started so casually for the most part.  I've been celibate for most of my 5 years of sobriety.  I don't want that casual or the complete "anorexia".  I guess it's time for a love addicts program of recovery someday.  I'm vulnerable to that casual stuff I guess.  In sobriety no wonder I don't know how to act, my history is so different from what I consider healthy today.