That person in the mirror

I can't stand looking at her.  No, it's not even a 'her,' it's a 'thing.'   And i hate it.  I wish so much that i could be beautiful, breathtaking, unique.  That's what you need to be if you really want to have a career in acting or theatre (or really any of the performance arts).
 And that is what i want to do.  I want that so badly.  But i hate what i see, and they will to.  I don't know how they couldn't. Granted, i can fake it.  But i wish i could love, like, or even care for myself.  But i don't.  I want to be beautiful.  but all i am is ugly and repulsive.  Fuck.  I'm disgusting and so fat.  and i wish to be the exact opposite: graceful, thin, delicate, uniquely beautiful, almost ethereal.  
I am so uncomfortable in my skin, and i hate looking at the image in the mirror.  Ugh. I just don't know how to be okay with it.  and truth be told, i don't want to be.  I want it to be how i want it.  I really feel like i am in the wrong body.  not just that i want something else...i am really supposed to be someone else.  But i don't know how to get it and be who i really am.  Where am i?  where is the body i am supposed to be in?  I feel so lost.  I just want to be thin and beautiful.