Thanksgiving...Ugh.
So, I am totally dreading Thanksgiving next week.
My older sister is hosting our entire family. A little background - I am the 2nd of 8 children. All of whom have children except the youngest 3. Although one of those, a sister, is expecting her first at the beginning of January.
Going to family functions has been kind of hard for a while. I always end up feeling left behind by life. Conversations always end up talking about kids and the latest happenings surrounding them. Granted, I can talk about my stepkids, but...it just stings.
Also, this will be the first time I've seen any of them since my miscarriage. Last time I was there we were all talking about my coming baby. I'm sure they will all just ignore it and act like it never happened. I mean, not one of them has called me at all - not even right after it happened. I realize that it's hard to know what to say, but I've always felt like the forgotten one and this has just made that more pronounced.
To top it off I am scheduled to get AF on Tuesday. The last one was the first after my miscarriage and was really hard. I'm really not sure what to expect with this one.
Part of me just really wants to say we can't go and just stay home. Where I don't have to see my very pregnant sister or my brother's 2 year old and 6 month old.
But I'm not sure how to tactfully say, "I'm not coming because when my baby died inside of me not one of you cared enough to check on me and seeing babies and conversations about kids still kill me, so have a good time without me."
Stupid holidays.
My older sister is hosting our entire family. A little background - I am the 2nd of 8 children. All of whom have children except the youngest 3. Although one of those, a sister, is expecting her first at the beginning of January.
Going to family functions has been kind of hard for a while. I always end up feeling left behind by life. Conversations always end up talking about kids and the latest happenings surrounding them. Granted, I can talk about my stepkids, but...it just stings.
Also, this will be the first time I've seen any of them since my miscarriage. Last time I was there we were all talking about my coming baby. I'm sure they will all just ignore it and act like it never happened. I mean, not one of them has called me at all - not even right after it happened. I realize that it's hard to know what to say, but I've always felt like the forgotten one and this has just made that more pronounced.
To top it off I am scheduled to get AF on Tuesday. The last one was the first after my miscarriage and was really hard. I'm really not sure what to expect with this one.
Part of me just really wants to say we can't go and just stay home. Where I don't have to see my very pregnant sister or my brother's 2 year old and 6 month old.
But I'm not sure how to tactfully say, "I'm not coming because when my baby died inside of me not one of you cared enough to check on me and seeing babies and conversations about kids still kill me, so have a good time without me."
Stupid holidays.
Replies
Ugh, I can completely understand and relate to everything you said. My family and inlaws have not talked about my mc since it first happened and there are small kids in the families and I suspect one soon on the way since my BIL just got married. I soooo want to say this phrase you just coined but I don\'t have the balls to do it: \"I\'m not coming because when my baby died inside of me not one of you cared enough to check on me and seeing babies and conversations about kids still kill me, so have a good time without me.\"
You are not alone, not at all. Sending big hugs.
Its so disappointing that those we love the most can often hurt us the most :/ I get that they don\'t know what to say or how to say it but it would be better if they would admit that and then say what can I do for you or what do you need from me?
Holidays bring enough stress into our lives, but when you pile on TTC or and MC it just can be too much.
Thinking of you and sending big hugs!!
Can totally relate to what you are saying here even after first failed IVF. We don\'t celebrate Thanksgiving but I am dreading Xmas, so yes you are not alone. I am already feeling anxious about dealing with family over the Xmas period. Sending thoughts your way.
I\'m so sorry girl. Hugs to you!
I can hear the struggle in your post. If I were you, i\'d say just that! But i know that in the real world that doesn\'t exactly go over too well. You deserve to take some time for you. Don\'t forget, flu season is always a great excuse to miss a family outing, and you can acceptably cancel last minute and nobody can complain! Hugs!