Thanks Freinds
Thanks for all your comments and encouragements you wrote to your last journal..
I think my hardest thing through this even before mom can to live with us is that when she first went into the NH last year in May, my sister decided not to put a phone in her room which I did not agree totally, but with Ken having just passed away and me having the surgery..I was sorta not involved...and the phone in what I did sorta agree, when mom was in her apt she would tell us she just couldn't do things that we just didn't understand...but the thing she would do is not leave her apt afraid she would miss a phone call..we would try to tell her that we would always call back..but she would sit there all day just waiting...which is sad within itself..so that was why my sister decided not to put a phone in her room last year...and it was hard for me as I called mom several times a day..
After Ken passed away, I could no longer talk to him...then after mom had no phone I could no longer call her, I felt like I was losing two of my most two people I loved at the same time...the thing about mom, I don't think any of us realized how bad she really was months before she ended up in the hospital...So I felt so empty..couldn't go see Ken or call or text..couldn't see or call mom either so both for me I mourned for..It was so very difficult not having mom to turn too in my darkest hour..but
What I don't think I knew, is that I had already lost mom...The other night and since then and now thinking back on things...I realized that I lost mom long before I probably even lost Ken...When mom told me the other night that she did not know I was her daughter, I thought back to things before and some of the things she would say and I realize now that she didn't way back know I was her daughter...for instance, I would be visiting her...sitting in front of her and she would say "I wish my family would visit me" over and over. Sometimes I would just not say anything and others it would get to me and I'd would say.."Mom, who do you think I am" I am your family, I am sitting right here visiting you...I recall now there would not be a comment...
So in reality, I think I lost my MOM maybe over two years ago...not knowing that she did not know I was her daughter, her first born...When it hit me hard this past couple of weeks...knowing that she thinks I am just a worker taking care of her...she is somewhere to stay as she is waiting on the NH to take her back...
I don't feel bad about her going into the NH again...she was happy there last year at the one she is going back too...What hurts is now is knowing that she does not know me...I see her studying me..I see her trying to figure out who I am here at the house..that is sad..As I told the nurse yesterday, if and when she goes to the NH, if I never visited her, she would never remember...That is the sadness I feel in her ..not the NH...that she has lost memory to know who I am...and even though it hurts and I know there is nothing I can do..there are some cute things do happen and I will close with it.
Yesterday she came to me and said."When do this people here change the sheets?" Of course she has no ideal when they were just changed>..but I just went with it and I said "Today" and she says "OH Good, I will get them ready"..I just said "Oh you don't have to do that, it's my job"..She responded "Oh that is your job, oh that's nice"..but withing minutes of talking about it, she repeated she would go get the sheets ready.." I once again told her, that I would do it, it was my job"..Once again it was " Oh it is, well that is nice"...you see there is sadness in this whole thing as this is how it pretty much goes all day...but yet there is some sweetness and pureness in the exchange too..at least to me there was...She does know that I am someone that is here to help her..and she is happy about that...
As we make this transition of her move, I pray that it goes well..I pray the more structured setting will help her mind stay more active...that the activities will help her stay more in tune with the everyday...I do not feel bad about putting her in this NH as I know she wants to be there...She has been happy there before...while she was there..I just pray that in Ky with their weird laws that she remains there as she was doing so good...interacting with others...
But it is still sad to know that she no longer knows I am her daughter...but I still know she is my mom....
Sandi
I think my hardest thing through this even before mom can to live with us is that when she first went into the NH last year in May, my sister decided not to put a phone in her room which I did not agree totally, but with Ken having just passed away and me having the surgery..I was sorta not involved...and the phone in what I did sorta agree, when mom was in her apt she would tell us she just couldn't do things that we just didn't understand...but the thing she would do is not leave her apt afraid she would miss a phone call..we would try to tell her that we would always call back..but she would sit there all day just waiting...which is sad within itself..so that was why my sister decided not to put a phone in her room last year...and it was hard for me as I called mom several times a day..
After Ken passed away, I could no longer talk to him...then after mom had no phone I could no longer call her, I felt like I was losing two of my most two people I loved at the same time...the thing about mom, I don't think any of us realized how bad she really was months before she ended up in the hospital...So I felt so empty..couldn't go see Ken or call or text..couldn't see or call mom either so both for me I mourned for..It was so very difficult not having mom to turn too in my darkest hour..but
What I don't think I knew, is that I had already lost mom...The other night and since then and now thinking back on things...I realized that I lost mom long before I probably even lost Ken...When mom told me the other night that she did not know I was her daughter, I thought back to things before and some of the things she would say and I realize now that she didn't way back know I was her daughter...for instance, I would be visiting her...sitting in front of her and she would say "I wish my family would visit me" over and over. Sometimes I would just not say anything and others it would get to me and I'd would say.."Mom, who do you think I am" I am your family, I am sitting right here visiting you...I recall now there would not be a comment...
So in reality, I think I lost my MOM maybe over two years ago...not knowing that she did not know I was her daughter, her first born...When it hit me hard this past couple of weeks...knowing that she thinks I am just a worker taking care of her...she is somewhere to stay as she is waiting on the NH to take her back...
I don't feel bad about her going into the NH again...she was happy there last year at the one she is going back too...What hurts is now is knowing that she does not know me...I see her studying me..I see her trying to figure out who I am here at the house..that is sad..As I told the nurse yesterday, if and when she goes to the NH, if I never visited her, she would never remember...That is the sadness I feel in her ..not the NH...that she has lost memory to know who I am...and even though it hurts and I know there is nothing I can do..there are some cute things do happen and I will close with it.
Yesterday she came to me and said."When do this people here change the sheets?" Of course she has no ideal when they were just changed>..but I just went with it and I said "Today" and she says "OH Good, I will get them ready"..I just said "Oh you don't have to do that, it's my job"..She responded "Oh that is your job, oh that's nice"..but withing minutes of talking about it, she repeated she would go get the sheets ready.." I once again told her, that I would do it, it was my job"..Once again it was " Oh it is, well that is nice"...you see there is sadness in this whole thing as this is how it pretty much goes all day...but yet there is some sweetness and pureness in the exchange too..at least to me there was...She does know that I am someone that is here to help her..and she is happy about that...
As we make this transition of her move, I pray that it goes well..I pray the more structured setting will help her mind stay more active...that the activities will help her stay more in tune with the everyday...I do not feel bad about putting her in this NH as I know she wants to be there...She has been happy there before...while she was there..I just pray that in Ky with their weird laws that she remains there as she was doing so good...interacting with others...
But it is still sad to know that she no longer knows I am her daughter...but I still know she is my mom....
Sandi
Replies
Dear Sandi: It is so hard when parents no longer recognize their children. I have always maintained that Alzheimers is far more difficult for the family than the patient. So many emotions. It is hard to adapt to the role of caring for the person who cared for you. I hope she will soon be able to get a bed in the good nursing home so you can just be her daughter and not her nurse.
I read or saw a comment by a husband who visited his wife every day in the nursing home. One of the staff asked why he went so often \"She doesn\'t know who you are\". Yes, he responded \"but I know who she is\" (not that I think you should visit daily as that is exhausting too). Your mother may not recognize you but people with AD respond to emotion - she knows you care and I believe on some level, she knows who you are.
As for missing the chats. I think that is the hardest thing for me. Lisa and I chatted daily, even when Joe and I were working overseas. I miss her voice.
Big hugs,
Marlene
This disease is sooo hard on the family.. fortunately she is basically happy and content.. but so sad when you realize that you did lose her years ago.. I can\'t imagine since my mom died from cancer many years ago..
Hugs dear friend, MaryLou
I cannot imagine your mama not recognizing you. How awful it must feel. So sorry that it is happening. Illnesses give us no choices. Thank G-d she will be getting good care, and I hope you make many new friends to chat with. Life can be very lonely. Hopeful for you, abby
I know exactly what you are talking about when you say you have the same conversation all day long. My Mom had Alzheimers and it is so very hard on the family. It would put me in tail spins all the time trying to figure out what it is like for her. I found It hard to maintain my calmness and strength at times, but now that she is know longer with us, I know that no matter how hard it was at times to just go along with answering her same questions over and over and over, I always did and I always showed her love and kindness. Even those hard times are memories I cherish right now.and I am so happy I kept my patience with her and gave her the love and care she gave me. Take care. Love, Dawn
Sandi, I am so glad something is finally happening for your mom---even though I can see how hard it is for you. I can also see that you have been and are a wonderful daughter--I hope you know that. She is so lucky to have you there for her. I did not have to face what you are facing, but I get a lot of satisfaction out of knowing my mom had a good life and I was always good to her and love(d ) her so much. I think your mom knows she is loved, deep down inside her heart. too. Your road is not easy, buy you are getting along, bit by bit--with courage and love.
Hugs and love, Margery Ann
Sandi, that is so sad, that she no longer knows that you are her daughter. I feel so bad for you, for your sadness, for the loss of your mom in such a hard, painful way. I have a friend from my church that has early onset Alzhimers and it is so hard on her family and her friends, but especially for her husband. They have been married all their lives, they were high school sweethearts and he will tell you that he is losing his best friend. I feel so sad for him, for you... Praying you peace.... Love and Hugs, Kathie