Thank you to my friends

I, again, would like to thank all that have supported me thru my personal hell.  You all know who you are.  I have had some wonderful advice and know you are all right but I just cannot seem to move forward.  Why do I grieve still for something that will or cannot ever be?  I don't know.  It drives me insane and make me angry at myself for being like this.  My friends won't even call me now because I'm such a downer...they are sick of hearing it..I'm sure.  I just cannot believe someone could have this many tears come out of them.   You have all been wonderful on here...Dad, DAB70, Orient1, RedRapunzel...and SO many others...please forgive me if I don't call you by name.  I just wish someone God or someone would just show me the way, give me a hug, say it will be ok, let me know that I will NOT be living in squallor, etc....if only I had a crystal ball...maybe none of this would have happened.  Maybe...maybe if I called that whore for what she was a long time ago and kicked her ass then none of this would have happened...maybe if I INSISTED he quit that job....none of this would have happened.   Maybe not...I cannot go back.   I wish I wasn't so negative or the person that saw the glass half empty but it's my nature..always has and probably always will be.  I just have to muster on.  I wish I could find a support group to attend here but I don't know of any.  For me the embarrassment is too much to handle...I think that is the worst part...the embarrassment I could not hold onto or satisfy my husband.   That he HAD to turn to someone else...that I made his life and probably my kids lives so unhappy.  I feel so embarrassed that I could make someone so unhappy.  What kind of person does that make me?  There MUST be something wrong with me b/c everyone I have dated previously has cheated...every one of them.   What can be wrong with me?  That takes such a toll on you, but when you marry someone you never think that it is going to happen.  It's not like I rushed into marriage.  We dated 7 years before getting married so he knew what he was getting into.  God, there are days I wish I could leave this earth and then maybe this pain will be gone and I could be happy for once.