Thank you to my friends
I, again, would like to thank all that have supported me thru my personal hell. You all know who you are. I have had some wonderful advice and know you are all right but I just cannot seem to move forward. Why do I grieve still for something that will or cannot ever be? I don't know. It drives me insane and make me angry at myself for being like this. My friends won't even call me now because I'm such a downer...they are sick of hearing it..I'm sure. I just cannot believe someone could have this many tears come out of them. You have all been wonderful on here...Dad, DAB70, Orient1, RedRapunzel...and SO many others...please forgive me if I don't call you by name. I just wish someone God or someone would just show me the way, give me a hug, say it will be ok, let me know that I will NOT be living in squallor, etc....if only I had a crystal ball...maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe...maybe if I called that whore for what she was a long time ago and kicked her ass then none of this would have happened...maybe if I INSISTED he quit that job....none of this would have happened. Maybe not...I cannot go back. I wish I wasn't so negative or the person that saw the glass half empty but it's my nature..always has and probably always will be. I just have to muster on. I wish I could find a support group to attend here but I don't know of any. For me the embarrassment is too much to handle...I think that is the worst part...the embarrassment I could not hold onto or satisfy my husband. That he HAD to turn to someone else...that I made his life and probably my kids lives so unhappy. I feel so embarrassed that I could make someone so unhappy. What kind of person does that make me? There MUST be something wrong with me b/c everyone I have dated previously has cheated...every one of them. What can be wrong with me? That takes such a toll on you, but when you marry someone you never think that it is going to happen. It's not like I rushed into marriage. We dated 7 years before getting married so he knew what he was getting into. God, there are days I wish I could leave this earth and then maybe this pain will be gone and I could be happy for once.
Replies
Dear heart it\'s got nothing to do with you not being able to \"satisfy\" him. I don\'t think some people can live in the day to day. Some folks think there has to be that next big thing out there and just can\'t seem to live in the now. It takes two committed people to make a marriage work and he is only making his life worse for doing this to you. It will come back to haunt him, it will. Be kind to yourself you will get through this we all have or are, were just in different stages. God Bless!
Please don\'t make comments like your last statement.... no man is worth dying over! Your kids need you and your family needs you! Please think about that!
Hugs sweetie.... we are all here for you!
Whoa, whoa, whoa...stop. Do NOT blame yourself for this. HE was the one who chose to go stick his dick in some ho, you didn\'t force him into it. Whatever problems you may have had in your marriage, it was not his right to discuss them with her and CERTAINLY NOT his right to look for sex elsewhere. I did the same thing for too long and yes, it is downright embarrassing, she told me our sex life was still amazing but then why did she have to run through so many other men? But you know what...that\'s not on me. I gave her love, attention, comfort, everything I could to make her feel happy and wanted and appreciated - even though most of the time, she didn\'t deserve it.
Here\'s the thing...I think you are at a crossroads right now. I think you honestly need to sit down with him SOON and say look...you choose the whore, or you choose our life together. Yes, there may be consequences to that. Yes, he may say \"okay\" and walk out the door and go to her. Yes, it is going to be a long and difficult road no matter WHAT you choose. BUT...you are not going to go without. He has a responsibility and you can get a lawyer to help make him MEET those responsibilities. And yes, it will be difficult on your children, but it will be even more difficult on them if they grow up in a home where two parents can\'t stand each other and one of them has a whore on the side. When they get older, they\'ll know about it and do you want them seeing that as an example of how to treat women?
Seriously...it is my belief that you can NOT afford to go on like this any longer. He is disrespecting you and he clearly has NO intention of ending it with the whore any time soon so stand up to him and make him make his mind up. Right now, he\'s getting the best of both worlds.
(((((GIANT DWH HUG)))))
TO giddy...I\'m not at that point..maybe...no I shouldn\'t have put that last statement in there but it is how I feel at times. I wish I could take it back so people don\'t think I\'m psycho or on the edge...even tho\' I feel hopeless, I\'m going to be the best mom and be around for those boys unless the stress kills me first.
(((((Big hugs)))) I feel that embarrassment, too. It isn\'t us, though. It is them... just wanted to give you a hug!
Hope you don\'t mind me checking out your journal but I saw some similarities. You explain what you are going through so well I feel the pain coming through the screen, and your DS friends are incredible and right on the money. I also have an ongoing affair staring me in the face everyday. Even a separation doesn\'t make it go away, until a divorce it still hurts. Your DS friends are right. There is nothing you did to deserve this, so there is nothing you can do to fix it (him). It is hard to look at a future that is so different from what you had in mind for so long. What has been helping me lately is looking at a future with her (if she would try to come back)that is much worse in the long run for me and my kids. Whenever my heart brings me back to the disbelief or bargaining stage, I force myself to think how much better off I am moving on without her and the pain she caused. I still did family and alone things with her until a couple weeks ago because it felt right, but it was preventing me from looking at the situation for what it is. Stay strong in knowing that this is his problem and fault, not yours and do what you have to do for yourself.