Thank you angel friends. new day, hoping family treats us better going forward..

Thank you angel friends, good morning on this new day, friday. All of your comforting support, comments, warm well wishes, prayers, and encouragement means the world to myself, and Holly <3 Thank you all. i'm very glad i wrote yesterday evening,i was very upset,and sometimes we can put up with so much, before we need to talk, or write it out. i reached that point yesterday, after what the triplets  and Brody did, flicking water in my face. it really was the last straw, of accepting/being treated poorly, by family, and really bullied, by them very much this year. i've had enough, and i've been wanting too write about things, and i believe writing  might be able to help me get back my emotional peaceful balance, that helps me to be able to write spirit soaring journals, in good spirits about things. 

It's friday morning,and i'm owed $250 by my "sister" lisa. this, being the current total, after it had been as high as $1300, and getting $100 per week, and then saying i can't help with their rent anymore, and being delayed 6 weeks of payments of $50, getting a rude attitude from her when she's around here, her slamming doors, and saying hurtful things to my mom about us all. she was supposed to pay me, $50 per week, beginning 2nd week of november. today, i went upstairs, after she left, and there's no $50 up there, and i didn't recieve any text, or anything to reassure me, that i'll be recieving my $50. if i had known, all this would be happening before she borrowed for me, and she showed this disrespectfulness, i would have never helped her ,or her bf. never. i will consider, small claims court if i have too go that route, to  attach her wages. i want that $250 back, it's mine ,i earned it, and i have suffered through a very slow payback process,  of back and forth, from $1300, down to $500, back up to $1300,  numerous times, and i'm not gonna put myself through that anymore. 

we all love my mom ,but she has had some times lately, that have pushed my buttons, and the buttons of others. Lisa gets on her, about me helping family members, with money, she has been helped by me too, she's in the same boat, and is mad at other family members, for doing the very same things she's doing. she's a hyprocrite. she's financially abused me for the past 18 months, and acts like she has some stake of claim to my savings? no way. i asked my mom politely,  numerous times, "please, don't talk with me about Lisa, and her money issues", and my mom promised she wouldn't, but does still, and it makes me stressed, and anxious, that i won't be paid back the money i'm owed. i've had enough of it, and i asked her again, please, don't. i also want lisa to back off, it's none of her business, at all, what i do with my money, my savings. she has no right to know, and i have told family, please don't talk with her about me, at all. it's gotten to that point, where it's best to keep someone in the dark about things, and  them not knowing, as she has borrowed from me me, and gets angry, if she thinks i'm helping anyone else, even with her still owing me money. it's that messed up. lisa can't be trusted. 

i'm disappointed that Holly and i get pulled into family's problems, to the point where, avoiding certain family members, is best for our mental health. memorial day, 4th of july, and 2 other gatherings this past summer, we completely avoided, gatherings, due to family members emotional outbursts/actions about things, and them financially burdening me, and being afraid of being asked on the spot, for money. Holly and i knew, staying home, with Tiger girl, watching our movies, shows, DS time ,brought much more peacefulness to us, and we'd rather that, than sitting with certain family members and being uncomfortable for numerous hours. i feel disappointed, that when  my dad recieved his settlement check, in october 2022, they kept that secret/private from family, which was their right, but it kept me as the lightning rod to continue to be burdened by family members money issues, and they knew how stressed and anxious ,family made me, and them just helping once, or twice, would have been a huge relief. i've got some friends, who also have been financially abused by family members,and it's scary,  how some of them are unable to afford things, due to family members owing them money, and it really stunned me, to finally put my foot down ,and stop helping especially when  it comes to rent ,or bills, or our own home needing emergency money. i have helped my parents, a lot this year, my dad's settlement money is all used up,and they've relied on me. i don't ask for much,i just ask  my mom, please don't mention family members  money issues to  me, i just don't want to hear it. 

It's very true, what everyone said, about Alyssa and Aj,  needing to teach their kids manners. the triplets, Brody, they lie, swear, throw things, and hit eachother, they are rude boys, and need to be taught to respect, they are bullies  too, and they gang up together, like i mentioned, Holly and i were tired, and had baked goodies with them, and we needed that greetings from the baking friday kitchen picture, they refused to get pic taken, unless we agreed to bake more goodies. that's very wrong of them. when i got  flicked water in my face yesterday evening, it brought back bad memories for me, of when i was bulled in elementary school, by classmates, who would spit at me, or in junior high, when someone would come up behind me, and pull a rubber band snap on the back of my neck. it was bad, and i endured, but the memories last. it's why, these days, i'm not on facebook, i wouldn't want to communicate, connect, or anything, with those people who could do that when we were younger. who are they to me? just people from the past, and even though i did have some friends from school, those other ones make me avoid sites like facebook, just  no need for it, and no time for it. 

i've been unhappy at times, and  Holly knows, about how family has been to  me. i feel like, they only see me, as money, and they don't ask how i'm doing, and when i've told them, that i've been stressed, depressed, anxious about financial stuff, and have said no to them, about borrowing, they still don't take no for an answer. what does though, is silence, and not answering their texts, and it feels good to me, that i'm doing that ,because i'm protecting myself. i sometimes  feel like i'm "everybody's fool" when it comes to family mistreating me at times. i get less respect than others, when it comes to family, family members who don't do much, and don't help much, but they get treated with more respect? i'm not asking to be treated better than anyone else in the family, just to be treated more equally. it's very strange, how my dad, taught my brothers, and sisters how to drive, but never taught me, yet all these years later, it's my brothers, or sisters, even nieces with car/bills issues, or even my parents needing money to get their new car, or insurance bills, payments, and i've helped,. but i was the only one to  not be taught how to drive? how messed up is that?

Friends here on DS, are always nice to me, and wish my family was more like you all, kind, polite, caring enough to ask how i'm doing, and to be able to not just see me as someone they ask for money. i can't stand getting pulled into all of their issues.  Holly and i do a lot around here, we go to sleep last in this house, as we go upstairs to make sure everything is turned off, from stove/oven, and more, we double check things, and we try to avoid when lisa comes around. she's rude, and she's not polite. she's changed a lot. i can't wait to be fully paid back from her, so  i can feel fully detached financially from her. i think standing up for myself yesterday evening, when Alyssa came here, and the kids aplogozing to  me, helped. i want to stand up for myself, but also keeping distance. i feel emotionally battered by some family members, and don't feel they deserve my 100%, i don't feel like that. i use too be proud when i helped them, but now i feel like it's expected. i'm tired of guilt trips, and not doing what i believe i should do, not helping out with money. lots of the times i helped Lisa, i didn't want too. 

it really hurt me, how she stopped paying me back, and also stopped bringing iced coffees she promised. after 8 or 10 times, helping her and her bf with rent,and them having a roof over their heads, she didn't even  offer to pick up iced coffees for me, even if i have given the money. after all i did, it really is disrespectful, and those little things, means very much, and are big to me. sometimes, it's the thanks we get, for helping. i know it happens in life, where we do and do, and do again, and get the short end of the stick. it happens, but some family members, are gonna get the short end of the financial stick, with me not helping them anymore. i won't allow myself to be emotionally or financially abused anymore. 

i mentioned to Holly, i'll put together a baking friday today, but the kids need to be respectful, or i'll come downstairs. they've pushed Holly and i a couple times, where we almost just left the kitchen in the middle of a baking friday, as the kids were being very bad. Holly got hit accidentally by a toy plastic  gun a couple weeks ago, she's ok. it's just, enough is enough.i'm gonna stop talking with family about financial, my earnings,and have been doing my earnings transfers over to my bank account savings, mostly. i just feel like, if i talk about money, they'll come at me more. 

i'm gonna try my best with baking friday today, writings may be a bit different than normal, but i'll get my focus back, more as i stand up for myself. Holly and i believe in positive energy, and it coming back to us, the more positive energy we give out ,the more that comes back in good ways. Thank you angel friends, for being here for me. i'm gonna be ok, this writing is helping me, and wish i had stayed online later last night, to write it, but i did sleep well,and got this writing in me this morning. thank you for sticking with Holly and i :) You all are very good to us <3 we love you, and will always be here for you all, Tiger girl too :) She's on table here, and just had her breakfast :) 

We love you all, and we  hope you all have a good day :)