Thank God yesterday is over
After sending him a scathing email on Sunday, all I wanted to do was call him yesterday. Right up until I went to bad, I had to phone in my hand ready to dial. I am so glad I didn't. I've got to realize that I can't depend on him anymore. It's hard because he's been my safety net for so long. When I had post pardum depression all those years ago he was wonderful to me - I'm not sure I would have made it thru without his support. Then the panic attacks he was always there to talk me down. Even after he left, when I was a wreck, he was the one I turned to for support.
So many habits I now have to break, him being the hardest. I have to stop thinking of him as a great guy just because he WAS a decent husband. So he was there for me and supported me years ago, why wouldn't he?
I guess that's the scarry part - knowing I have to depend myself and me alone.
So many habits I now have to break, him being the hardest. I have to stop thinking of him as a great guy just because he WAS a decent husband. So he was there for me and supported me years ago, why wouldn't he?
I guess that's the scarry part - knowing I have to depend myself and me alone.
Replies
Yep. The man I was married to is not the man he is now. I still have moments/thoughts I think \"I need to tell Jim....\".I keep having to focus on HE is the one who caused this mess, and this PAIN. It is natural for us to want to turn to them after all these years.
We will be OK-this pain will lessen, and we will learn to count on US.
Kelly, I remember wanting to hear his voice so badly. But he didn\'t want me. He didn\'t \'need\' me anymore. It took awhile for me to get that. The best thing i did was go no contact. It\'s hard, but it does give some peace. When you pick up that phone to call him...call a friend, your sister....anyone but not HIM okay? Hang in there, these are the tough days. Hug
I wasn\'t aware that you sent a scathing email to him. Not a good idea, my dear. Next time you get the urge, write it, BUT DON\'T SEND IT! Print it out and keep it in a notebook or something. Months from now, you will read it and be sooo glad you never sent it!
All these feeling are normal, as normal as anything is in divorce! Everyone kept telling me how strong I was and how I could take care of myself.. and I did and so will you.It is scary but you find that being dependent on you, not so bad after all, you do figure it out, you do find ways to make decisions. You are a lot more competent than you think.. Stay in the present. Work on telling yourself, every day, I CAN do this. HUGS
I agree with what everyone has said. It is hard, but we can do it. I\'m still struggling every day and I\'m at the six month mark, but I ve discovered that I\'m stronger than I thought. I\'m used to living alone now - doesn\'t mean I like it, but I can do it with some equanimity. I\'m OK with being alone -- I miss my husband, but I can\'t have him, and I can cope without him. If I can do it, so can you, Kellly -- just hang in there and use this group for support .
Hugs and blessings