Terrifying decisions

Im 20 years old almost at the age of 21 in about a month. My life has been a bit of a shit show since i was born. As i reached the age between 8-9 i started to realize i wasnt like other boys. I didnt like to play with the boys, i didnt like playing with the same toys. I was sensitive and didnt enjoy playing rough. I mostly had the most fun with my female cousins and friends. I remember being at a birthday party and receiving a gift bag, i received a girls gift bag with little make up candy and small dolls and animals. I played with everything up until my father noticed what i had. Of course it was taken away and i was given the bag with army men and parachute men. I remember being genuinely upset by this and thinking to myself why cant i play with the girls.  I think this was my first realization i was transgender. Of course i didnt know that at the time. All i thought was i was weird. And i thought that up until the 8th grade. And now here i am. Almost 21 and regretting never expressing my true feeling of wanting to be a girl.