Terrified of 1st IVF!
Happy New Year! It's a new year, and hopefully a time for new and wonderful things (BFPs, healthy pregnancies, less IF struggles, etc.) And speaking of struggles, I am in my 2ww after my 3rd IUI. Of course, it's highly doubtful I will end up with a BFP this cycle so next up: IVF. This will be my first IVF ever and I'm beyond terrified of it. In general, I think I have a pretty low threshold for pain and my RE even said during the last IUI that I am more tense than most women during that procedure, and she's worried about me doing IVF (to be fair, she said I was tense and I responded that, aren't most women!? and she said reluctantly, well not really). I also have a crazy history in that I had a liver tumor 10 years ago thanks to the BCP and had to have emergency surgery to remove a 10 inch tumor. Apparantly, my body is extremely sensitive to hormones and my liver couldn't process the extra estrogen I was consuming. That experience left me with a lot of health anxiety. All of this has made me really afraid to begin IVF, and although I know a ton of women go through it, I am worried I'm not up for it! I am resentful and angry that it's even come to this, that it's really my only option if I want to get pregnant. I find myself so freaked out at the thought of doing IVF and I somehow don't think every woman goes into it this freaked out??? I mean, I doubt anyone is overjoyed to do IVF but I think I'm far from the acceptance phase of this process and struggling to get there. *SIGH*
Replies
I was right there with you. Terrified of IVF, but at the same time, I knew it might be my only chance of getting my BFP. After going through it now, and gettnig my BFP, I\'d definitely do it as many times as I would have to achieve that goal!! Its amazing the strength that women are given.....I\'ll be rooting for you and if you have any questions what so ever, ask away. Its certainly a rough road this IF stuff.....and I never thought I\'d have to go this route either, but I\'m glad I had the opportunity and insurance to do so.
*HUGS*
You know I totally understand how you are feeling! But you DO find the strength to do it (in my case, again and again, aad again, and again, and again). I am a BIG BABY when it comes to medical stuff and I have survived it all. If you need anyone to talk to or give you the REAL deal about each step of the process feel free to get in touch (We could even talk on the phone or text if you need support). I truly hope you reach your BFP very soon! I\'m here if you need the support! xoxo Deb
I agree with Deb, I couldn\'t even look at a needle and DH had to give me every single injection but you do find a way to get through it all. We are always stronger than we think we are. I\'m sure your RE knows about your history and that they will be looking at how you react to all the meds to make sure they can ajust everything. Plus, I think you were doing a natural or mini cycle. If that\'s the case I only had 4 days of meds before retrival, it was a lot faster and easier that I imagined.
We are here for you and you can feel free to vent all you want. It really isn\'t an easy process and it is unfair that we have to go through all this when so many get pregnant by accident.
Good luck, I hope you get your BFP real soon.
I am positive you will be absolutely ok! We are doing our very first IVF this month! I\'m incredibly excited for the possibility of a BFP but very scared of the procedure! I just keep telling myself any amount of pain I have to endure is completely worth it in the end for my baby. Here\'s the thing- if you had told me 3 years ago that I\'d be going through all of this, I wouldn\'t have believe it. My husband and I said we\'d never do IVF. But here we are 3 IUIS and 3 TI cycles later and jumping in! I hate needles- I panicked when I learned about the injections but I made it through, got over it (my hubby does them for me). It is amazing how much strength you actually have :) I am rooting for you!
Thank you all for your encouraging words! I will hopefully find the strength to do this.
Oh my goodness! No wonder you are worried. I must admit I read the first part of your journal before and didn\'t have time to respond...so checked off. You had a tumor!?!? Well, sounds like you\'ll have to face those demons head on. The good news is that with IVF they do the ultrasounds pretty much every other day and then every day towards the end. You could always ask them to look at your liver every once in a while to calm your nerves (not that they\'ll find anything, but I bet the could look). Have you talked about these fears with your RE?
As for strength to do this, I know you will find that strength, still it\'s a lot of demons with such a rocky history. My psychologist says the fears will remain unless we face the fears and allow them to be. So things to say might be \"am I afraid? yes. what else, am I nervous, terrified, (continue listing emotions...)? yes.\" and then allow yourself to first feel the emotions, and then remind yourself of the safeguards in place that are there. remind yourself of how rare the liver tumor was, remind yourself of how much you want a baby...and then allow both sets of emotions to live.
Hope this helps.