Ten Things to Do (grief at holidays)
Tom's Blog
http://www.tomzuba.com/blogs/toms-blog/7031988-10-tips-for-living-with-the-holidays-this-year-when-someone-you-love-has-died
10 Tips for Living WITH the Holidays this Year
when someone you love has died
Posted by Tom Zuba on December 11, 2012
1. Remind yourself that you will survive. You will.
2. Think about what will bring you the most peace this holiday season.
a. Keeping all traditions in tact?
b. Tweaking some traditions a bit and adding new ones?
c. Throwing out all the old traditions and starting new ones?
d. Flying to the Bahamas and completely skipping the holidays this year?
3. Don’t expect anyone to mention the person you love who died by name. Believe it or not,that’s your job. People will look to you to determine whether or not it’s safe to talk about the person that died. A few ways to include your loved one:
a. Serve/bring your loved one’s favorite dish to the holiday get-together – talk about it!
b. Bring a favorite picture – pass it around. Work it into the centerpiece.
c. If you have photos of your beloved with every person who will be seated at your holiday table, use these photos as place cards.
d. Bring a favorite memento – a book, a poem, a watch, a piece of jewelry, a toy – and share it with guests after dinner.
e. Have your loved one’s favorite music playing in the background.
f. Be sure to include the names of all your family members who have died as you gather to pray. Invite all at the table to include the name(s) of their loved ones.
4. Plan a special evening for close family and friends when you REMEMBER. Ask everyone to bring a favorite photo and write down a special memory. Set time aside to sit in a circle and share the photos and stories.
5. Remember that it’s okay – it’s even healthy – to cry.
6. It’s okay to smile or even laugh a bit. You’re not being disloyal.
7. It’s even okay to stay in bed... you will get out, when you’re ready and able.
8. Buy yourself a gift. Wrap it. Write a note – to you – from the person you love that died.
9. Buy someone less fortunate than you a gift. Give it in memory of your loved one.
10. Light a candle. Hold on to hope.
http://www.tomzuba.com/blogs/toms-blog/7031988-10-tips-for-living-with-the-holidays-this-year-when-someone-you-love-has-died
10 Tips for Living WITH the Holidays this Year
when someone you love has died
Posted by Tom Zuba on December 11, 2012
1. Remind yourself that you will survive. You will.
2. Think about what will bring you the most peace this holiday season.
a. Keeping all traditions in tact?
b. Tweaking some traditions a bit and adding new ones?
c. Throwing out all the old traditions and starting new ones?
d. Flying to the Bahamas and completely skipping the holidays this year?
3. Don’t expect anyone to mention the person you love who died by name. Believe it or not,that’s your job. People will look to you to determine whether or not it’s safe to talk about the person that died. A few ways to include your loved one:
a. Serve/bring your loved one’s favorite dish to the holiday get-together – talk about it!
b. Bring a favorite picture – pass it around. Work it into the centerpiece.
c. If you have photos of your beloved with every person who will be seated at your holiday table, use these photos as place cards.
d. Bring a favorite memento – a book, a poem, a watch, a piece of jewelry, a toy – and share it with guests after dinner.
e. Have your loved one’s favorite music playing in the background.
f. Be sure to include the names of all your family members who have died as you gather to pray. Invite all at the table to include the name(s) of their loved ones.
4. Plan a special evening for close family and friends when you REMEMBER. Ask everyone to bring a favorite photo and write down a special memory. Set time aside to sit in a circle and share the photos and stories.
5. Remember that it’s okay – it’s even healthy – to cry.
6. It’s okay to smile or even laugh a bit. You’re not being disloyal.
7. It’s even okay to stay in bed... you will get out, when you’re ready and able.
8. Buy yourself a gift. Wrap it. Write a note – to you – from the person you love that died.
9. Buy someone less fortunate than you a gift. Give it in memory of your loved one.
10. Light a candle. Hold on to hope.
Replies
LOVE THIS!
SO agree, and have discovered first hand, \"I\" am the one responsible for bringing Kala into the conversation. I always take a pink candle with me when we go to family/friends for any occasion. It\'s my way of \"inviting\" Kala to join us.
Love you dear and special lady!
Love to Andy!
Thank you. I have posted on Facebook. Bless you x
Thank you for posting this. I\'m pretty sure it will help. Love Teri\'s idea of bringing a candle to include our departed loved ones in the festivities wherever we may be.
I love this positive \"tips\" journal...For those of us who\'ve lost very young children, we\'d have to take a \"guess\" for some of these options though! Maybe I could think of something I would have HOPED would have been Michael or Lisa\'s \"favorite\" food dish, for example...Some of our options are limited when you lose a child before \"knowing\" any of their preferences...part of the ongoing sadness...we don\'t have a clue about such things... but wish we did! BUT on the other hand, we don\'t have the associated sadness trigger when confronted by the choices that Mothers of older kids remember all too well...There\'s a loss in NOT knowing...and there\'s a loss in KNOWING! At any rate, the generalized ideas like giving a gift to someone less fortunate are applicable to ALL bereaved Moms regardless of the age their child transitioned. Thanks for sharing-Trainer-in-training! (or soon to be :-) ) And Merry Christmas!!!
Love to you and Andy, Donna
I am so glad you shared this...it is great. Happy Holiday Sarah!!! Love you bunches!
You have no idea how much I needed to read this tonight. Thank you very much...XOXO Debbie
Great advice. Merry Christmas and Happy new year and bless your angel Andy. Hugs Mary Ann
3 Thanks. Happy to know everyone will be included in our holiday celebrations.
Peggy
Very helpful dear Sarah and I thank YOU. Our children will no doubt BE very present and I always bring Douglas into all of my conversations as it is SO very healing and natural for me to do so. I\'ve stopped even noticing how it affects others because it is for me...
So... here\'s to Andy, to Douglas and to all of our amazing children today and always!
Loving care and gratitude for what you offer that speaks to your heart as it speaks to mine as well.
XO Joanie
Very wise suggestions! Thank you for sharing with us! Love and Hugs, Diane
:o) I like the suggestion about buying myself a present \'from Andy\'. He was REALLY GOOD at buying things that you never even knew how much you would need and love and use forever. The things he gave me are SUCH treasures, really always were even before he got cancer and died. He had a gift for giving.
Wish you all peace and joy and a sense of connection to your child and children, forever.
xox Sarah