Temperature boiling
I feel very upset. I screamed at a guy on the phone now and then I called him back and apologized. They are laying parket flooring in our rooms and the guy was screweing around so I screamed at him. I realized that it was wrong and I apologized. I became so overwhelmed. I became so out of breath and my head was so dizzy and congested. I started seeing stars and just anxious and angry. It was a bad experience.
Something came out of it. I was feeling that maybe I can scream at my dad this way. Maybe I won't be suicidal anymore if I scream at him like that. But I also realized how fruitless it is to scream at someone. It doesn't take you anywhere. So what do I do? I feel so self-destructive. It isn't me who is doing this it is just the anger inside of me. Maybe it is my physique that has deteriorated and therefore my mind won't think properly. But that doesn't make any sense. If my mind knows that my physique is not functioning correctly why doesn't it correct itself?
Excercise makes me feel better. It seems that all the negative juices in my body cease to secreet and I feel better. I don't know how to feel better. Why do I have to expend so much energy to feel better. It sucks. I feel sick and sad.
Something came out of it. I was feeling that maybe I can scream at my dad this way. Maybe I won't be suicidal anymore if I scream at him like that. But I also realized how fruitless it is to scream at someone. It doesn't take you anywhere. So what do I do? I feel so self-destructive. It isn't me who is doing this it is just the anger inside of me. Maybe it is my physique that has deteriorated and therefore my mind won't think properly. But that doesn't make any sense. If my mind knows that my physique is not functioning correctly why doesn't it correct itself?
Excercise makes me feel better. It seems that all the negative juices in my body cease to secreet and I feel better. I don't know how to feel better. Why do I have to expend so much energy to feel better. It sucks. I feel sick and sad.
Replies
Sometimes you need to scream at people. Even my psychologist said so.
I was really struggling mentally with suicidal thoughts after my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn\'t want to get angry at him. Then one night I saw him and I was drunk so I said all the things that I had bottled up and let hurt me for three months. It actually helped me heal. I still feel suicidal sometimes but not over him anymore.
Letting it all out and saying what you need to say is a way of letting go of that negativity.
hugs!!!
Thanks. Yeah this possibly helps. I so want to scream at my dad. I don\'t know now though that I am having this conversation and I know what to do if it is not really hurtful to say these things. I seems so premeditated if I do it. I am finding some solace by feeling that I might have a little control over my suicidal thoughts. Maybe training myself to feel better will help.