Telling work about IVF!?!?
Yes, it's another journal from yours truly....I promise to try and make this one shorter :)
Thank you all for your great comments regarding my support system. Funny, they must have gotten some vibes because last night, I got 2 emails and a call checking in to see how I was doing and being really empathetic and sweet.
So onto my next topic.....I have decided I'm going to tell my boss about IVF! I have been totally against this since I work in a small office and I'm not sure my boss can keep a secret, and also, bottom line is its nobody's business. Also, I just did not want to deal with constant questions about it working, not working, etc. or the stigma of being 43, almost 44, and TTC (I know of a few coworkers who think that is way too old to have a baby). Anyway, I feel like I'm out of excuses at this point...how many times can I get the flu, food poisoning, a headache....you get the idea. And I think it will take the pressure off of me having to constantly lie or feel guilty about missing work. I *think* my boss will be understanding, and appreciate that I'm being upfront but who knows. Haven't decided when to do this, if I should wait until my Friday appt with RE or before then? I know some of you have been honest with work about your IVF/IF struggles, so please feel free to share your experiences....
xoxoxoxo
Thank you all for your great comments regarding my support system. Funny, they must have gotten some vibes because last night, I got 2 emails and a call checking in to see how I was doing and being really empathetic and sweet.
So onto my next topic.....I have decided I'm going to tell my boss about IVF! I have been totally against this since I work in a small office and I'm not sure my boss can keep a secret, and also, bottom line is its nobody's business. Also, I just did not want to deal with constant questions about it working, not working, etc. or the stigma of being 43, almost 44, and TTC (I know of a few coworkers who think that is way too old to have a baby). Anyway, I feel like I'm out of excuses at this point...how many times can I get the flu, food poisoning, a headache....you get the idea. And I think it will take the pressure off of me having to constantly lie or feel guilty about missing work. I *think* my boss will be understanding, and appreciate that I'm being upfront but who knows. Haven't decided when to do this, if I should wait until my Friday appt with RE or before then? I know some of you have been honest with work about your IVF/IF struggles, so please feel free to share your experiences....
xoxoxoxo
Replies
I had not told my boss about anything going on with us but he knew I was always out with appointments. I mean who wants to walk into the male bosses office and say, \"excuse me, my lady parts don\'t work so I am doing IVF and will be out a lot\". But I felt like with this IVF, and my new RE micromanaging things and having more appointments and bed rest than my last IVF, that I needed to upfront. So it took me a good 4 hours to get up enough nerve to go into his office and tell him. But I am SO happy I did. We had a really good conversation and even joked around about it a bit. It helped that he and his wife went through 5 years of IF struggles (which I had already known about) but I think he still would have been understanding as much as any man can even if he had not had his own experiences. Having him know has taken a lot of stress out of the whole thing and having excuses to be out etc.
So if you feel its best to tell your boss, then I would 100%! She may not get it, but will at least be understanding when you need to be out.
And if it were me, I would wait until after the appointment with the RE so you know your game plan before telling your boss.
Good luck hun!
Thanks, LMWT! I was thinking of you when I wrote this journal since I know you recently told your boss and it went really well. My boss is also a male, but has grown kids and I highly doubt he\'s dealt with IVF. But, he\'s pretty laid back and cool. Either way, since we will be doing another FET I think its necessary to tell him, especially since next time I want to do longer bed rest and not feel the pressure about work that I felt with my first FET.
That is a big decision to make and I understand you making it. Hopefully he will understand. Make sure to stress that this is a private matter so hopefully he won\'t share with the rest of the office. Also make sure to stress that this is a medical issue and should be treated as such. Let us know how it goes. I wish you luck.
I told my boss when we were about to start IVF, after we had a game plan in place. I have a female boss and she was absolutely wonderful and so understanding. I was glad I told her because it was one less thing to think/worry about during IVF. Not to mention, I felt like you in that how many times could I have a headache or be sick, etc. IVF really does require time away from the office so it helps when they know and are not just thinking what a slacker you are. It was a hard conversation to start, but it has paid off for me since my first round of IVF was not my last. Good luck!
He may not understand as much as my boss did because of experience with IF. But I think he will be more open to the fact you are missing work. Plus your stess will hopefully go down not having to worry about your job or coming up with excuses of why you are out again. I agree with Alana to stress that this is private and should not be shared and that it is a medically issue and should be treated as such.
We did IF treatments for a full year before moving on IVF. I did decide to let my boss know due to the fact of needing time off so frequently. And again, i was running out of excuses. She did know about my struggles with IF which made it alot easier. It was a huge load off my shoulders and she was very understanding and accomodating. Her sister is actually dealing with IF/treatments as well so she \"got it\".
Thank you all for your great input! I totally plan on stressing to my boss that this is very very private, that we haven\'t even told our families and that it\'s an extremely sensitive issue that I even had a hard time sharing with him. I know the day I decide to tell him I\'ll be a wreck all day, but I\'ll be sure to journal about it afterwards ;)
Good luck! Sometimes people really suprise you when you open up about these things. When I requested time off for my lap in February one of my bosses reached out to me and asked for what. I shared with her and she then shared with me that she also had IF issues and even had seen the same doctor I was seeing at the time. It actually brought me closer with her and I have worked with her for almost 8 years and had always had a hard time reading her. Now I feel 100% that I have her support and so it\'s way less stress when scheduling appointments :)
I also was nervous about sharing with my boss, but once I told him he was very understanding and told me he\'d never deny me time off. He also has a sister and brother-in-law who did IVF to conceive so he could somewhat relate to my and DH\'s struggles...... It took a huge weight off my shoulders as well...... Best of luck, but I think you\'ll feel better with sharing.......hugs!!
Good luck. If its any help I told my boss for our first IVF and he was a he too. It allowed for my absences to be covered (I teach at the university level) and he was very supportive. We have a new boss now, a she, but I haven\'t told her. I have told my area head a he.
I think it\'s good that your telling him. Feeling like your always lying is no good. Ihope it goes well and that he keeps your secret. It really is no ones business unless you feel like sharing.
I\'m an open book now at work and have shared with a lot of coworkers because everytime I\'ve shared I\'ve gotten good support.
Let us know how it goes.
Hugs
I told my boss when i first started needing to do appointments. At first she was understanding, but later, she started to hold it against me, and even tried saying because of my treatments my job performance was failing (completely not true) but I do not regret it, because i feel she would have more to hold against me if I used little excuses like being sick all the time. I know on my end that i\'m honest, and she\'ll have to deal with it. Please don\'t let this deter you, as I totally think you should let your boss know. Mine is just a crazy bitch.