Talked with Christina
I went over to my DIL's tonight to talk to my granddaughter about her feelings about my bond with Kelsey and Donna. I said to Christina that "Grandpops told me that it bothers you when I refer to Donna as my adopted daughter and that you felt hurt that I had bought an angel charm to honor Kelsey before I bought one to honor Daddy." She said, "well I don't want to make you sad." I explained that there is nothing we cannot talk about & that is important to get her feelings out in the open and not carry hurt around -that our family has enough pain to carry around. She then opened up & said that it seems that I am trying to replace her Dad and that I am trying to fill a void. I explained that yes, I would like some of the emptiness to go away but that the hole in my heart can only be filled with Dad but that as I try and integrate the loss into my life I am trying to enjoy other relationships too.
I also explained to her that long before Ed passed I had considered adoption & that her Dad was all for it. She remembered that. I also reminded her that my life's work has been advocating for children. She agreed that all that made sense. And I explained to her that since Ed was my only child I may never hear the word, "Mom" again in this life & that there is a part of me that longs to be a mom and that I have no one to mother now. She & I cried as I explained that & she said she doesn't know how I go on. Christina said that now that she is a mom she doesn't know how she'd survive if anything happened to Iysabella and I said I just pray you never have to know how this feels. She said as hard as it is to live without her Dad she can't even understand how I go on. She then went on to say how angry she is that her Dad got a clean bill of health from the doctor and yet died & how mad she is at God. I told her that its ok to tell God how you feel - He can take it. And I too am mad at what life dealt me/us.
So I asked if we were good & she said "yes." I asked her to speak to me when something hurts her and she said she will. A lot of feelings came out that she'd been carrying around so I am glad we talked.
Thanks to all of you for your support and kind words. It helped me get through the day. Have a good night. Love, Linda
I also explained to her that long before Ed passed I had considered adoption & that her Dad was all for it. She remembered that. I also reminded her that my life's work has been advocating for children. She agreed that all that made sense. And I explained to her that since Ed was my only child I may never hear the word, "Mom" again in this life & that there is a part of me that longs to be a mom and that I have no one to mother now. She & I cried as I explained that & she said she doesn't know how I go on. Christina said that now that she is a mom she doesn't know how she'd survive if anything happened to Iysabella and I said I just pray you never have to know how this feels. She said as hard as it is to live without her Dad she can't even understand how I go on. She then went on to say how angry she is that her Dad got a clean bill of health from the doctor and yet died & how mad she is at God. I told her that its ok to tell God how you feel - He can take it. And I too am mad at what life dealt me/us.
So I asked if we were good & she said "yes." I asked her to speak to me when something hurts her and she said she will. A lot of feelings came out that she'd been carrying around so I am glad we talked.
Thanks to all of you for your support and kind words. It helped me get through the day. Have a good night. Love, Linda
Replies
Linda,
I know this was difficult for you but it sounds like you had a good heart to heart talk. May God grant everyone peace and togetherness.
Love ya gal,
Leda
So much healing took place! I\'m so glad.
I am so glad that you all talked. I know she must feel alot better, as well as yourself. Can\'t wait to see you and give you a big hug! Angela
Wow. I shouldn\'t read these things before work. How wonderful that your relationship with your granddaughter is such a gift for you both.
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!
Love, prayers, and hugs, Sharon
Dear Linda E, it\'s trite to say, but you really handled this well and the love between you and Christina is even stronger than before your talk. I remember having those kinds of talks with Jon, as you did with Eddie, I\'m sure, and if that isn\'t mothering, I don\'t know what is. She is, in a very real way, your child. Much love, Linda J
Such a healing moment for the two of you and just the beginning of many because of the safety and openness that you both felt. This is grace, Linda, and I\'m so glad that you did not wait as these kinds of tender conversations need to happen so that no one is carrying such a heavy burden. You are blessed to have one another. I\'m sure your step feels lighter today as does hers. Much love, Joanie
I am so happy your chat went well. I am sure Christina is relieved too. There is nothing more healing and bonding than crying together.
Have a great day.
Love and hugs, Marlene
Linda, it is so good that you & Christina can talk and be honest with each other. She knows she can come to you and tell you if something is bothering her. I sure do understand about that longing to be called mom. I miss being a mom so much. Sometimes some of Chris\' friends will call and say \"hi mom\" and it feels so good...but breaks my heart too. Sending love to you & Ed....Hugs, Kim
I am glad this has been resolved....it takes so much stress off of your heart and mind...no one wants hard feelings in the family. I know you and your granddaughter will be closer now. You handled the matter with love and maturity....love, dale...brandon\'s mom
I think you handled this wonderfully and I am glad she and you have each other. Much love, Suzannah
Wonderful feeling, a sense of peace and understanding. Love is all that. cheering for you, abby
ahhh Linda ... thanksgiving for resolution through heartfelt communication. Eddie is smiling that handsome smile of his. XOXOde
Hmmm-Hmmm, You prepared such a lovely, safe place for both of your hearts to communicate and rest in the knowledge of love and pain expressed. So blessed are you to have each other. Peace, Love and Understanding to surround you is the best of what life has to offer. I can just see that beautiful smile come across Eddie\'s face...Good Job Mom!
Love...Suzzanne