Taking the good w/ the bad...

Where to began....the last 3 months have been a bundle of good and just plain awful and maybe this period was designed that way to keep my hanging on through it all.  The good began with me taking over my mothers condo and being able to help her move into a place that is better suited to her needs.  We had been  estranged for a few years and it brought us together and now we have the best relationship.  I moved with my boyfriend that I had been living with for almost a year and our relationship was reaching a breaking point,  Over the year we lived together we lost a child had financial problems and he began have angry outbursts and I as well. I started to resent him for the years he came in and out of my life.  Even though I still loved him.    He left me a few weeks after we moved stating that he was afraid he was going to physically harm me during an argument.  His outbursts where filled with rage and he seemed like a completely different person during them...I only saw him become angry once like this over the four years before we lived together.  A few days before he left I learned my aunt had reoccurring cancer in her mouth, my father had heart disease and my half brother's mother was in ICU from complications due to COPD.  I got a good job with a great company although temporarily until my position becomes available.  After all this I was very angry for about a month.  I decided to talk to my ex after I calmed down to get some perspective on this relationship and I think I wanted to be around someone who knew me well.  We talked and about a week after he starts texting me saying he wants to come home....I wanted to say yes so much but I said NO.  We have talked a few times and I told him I wanted him back and now he says he is really hurt and needs sometime.  I told him he can have all the time he wants...because he hasn't cared about anything I have said to him about working things out.  Now I just feel like the love I had for him just died.  I said those things and I really meant it.  I am so exhausted trying to care for someone who could walk out on me during a time like this.  Thats the hardest part I feel like when I need a partner the most I seem to continue to go through things like this alone.  I wonder if I'll ever find someone that won't abandon me during my time of need.  It seems I either love the person I'm with more than they love me or they love me more....its so frustrating to not be able to have both.