Taking it one minute at a time

I haven't written in an online journal, or a journal at all for that matter, so, I'm not exactly sure what to say. I guess I'll just start by telling you about me.  I am a 23 year old female.  I am a former cutter, I haven't cut in over 2 years (not sure exactly how long it's been) and I'm a codependent.  
I've been in a bad place with myself for a long time.  People I'm not close to or people that don't know me very well, they don't notice anything.  They "believe the fake smile" I wear around.  While the people I've let get close to me and know me like they know the back of their hand, they know if something is wrong.  
I often don't like to let people know that I need help because I'd rather wrap myself in other peoples problems while avoiding an running from my own.  I've caught myself asking, "Why me?" "Why am I being punished?" "Would someone please notice I'm not okay?" "How did I get here?" "How do I learn to be happy again?"
I don't like where I am in life and feel like no one understands.