Taking control of my life
I carry my hurt and my pain with me everwhere I go - that is carry on baggage and I can't check it in but the days are getting better. I don't cry everyday - I don't feel dying - I'm starting to enjoy doing the things I always liked and stop doing through this mess. - I still hate the OW guts with all my heart and want to rip her heart out but I don't think of her as often. Learning to push away the intrussive thoughts. I still cry and I'm still angry for what he did but I don't feel like I hate him. I can't change the past, I can't change what happened so I'm learning to accepted it - not forgive or forget just accept the fact that the EA happened. I was so used to be around my H all the time - doing everything together so I thought I couldnt live without him or be happy without him but I'm learning to be happy without him by my side 24/7 - I've learned that I can be happy even when he is not there and not feel miserable - I've learned that I don't need him but I want him in my life - I'm taking control of my life. I still love my H with all my heart and I miss him and can't wait for him to be back but I've learned that I can't make him my everything - their is life besides my H - I'm trying to live my own life cause before it felt like I was living my life through his. I'm regaining power and it feels good to feel in control of your emotions.
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Good for you girl! You know what, I think you are forgiving, you just don\'t realize it. Forgiving doesn\'t mean that it\'s ok, it just means that you\'re willing to let go of the anger and resentment about it, and love your H anyway. I\'m so proud of you that you have found your independence. You\'ve come a long way since the first post I read of yours! Good for you!
How long has it been? if you don\'t mind me asking, since the a...
znz - I wanted to hurt him with my anger and resentment but I was just hurting myself - Thanks for the support!!!
scared - EA started late 2009 through 2010 - last year was rough cause he asked for a divorce then change his mind then asked for a divorce again and the whole time he denied having an affair - even though I didnt have 100% hard evidence I knew it was an OW - he became more and more distant and cold - Dday (when he officialy admitted liking and having feeliings for OW) was middle January but the suffering and the hurt has been long lasting.
You are doing so well! Congratulations on finding a way to forgiveness to feeling better instead of bitter. That is important to help you change the way you view the relationship with hubby. It will be stronger for your independence!
Hurray! Keep on working at your well-being, and know we are here to support you!