Taking control of my life

I carry my hurt and my pain with me everwhere I go - that is carry on baggage and I can't check it in but the days are getting better.  I don't cry everyday - I don't feel dying - I'm starting to enjoy doing the things I always liked and stop doing through this mess. - I still hate the OW guts with all my heart and want to rip her heart out but I don't think of her as often.  Learning to push away the intrussive thoughts.  I still cry and I'm still angry for what he did but I don't feel like I hate him.  I can't change the past, I can't change what happened so I'm learning to accepted it - not forgive or forget just accept the fact that the EA happened.  I was so used to be around my H all the time - doing everything together so I thought I couldnt live without him or be happy without him but I'm learning to be happy without him by my side 24/7 - I've learned that I can be happy even when he is not there and not feel miserable - I've learned that I don't need him but I want him in my life - I'm taking control of my life.  I still love my H with all my heart and I miss him and can't wait for him to be back but I've learned that I can't make him my everything - their is life besides my H - I'm trying to live my own life cause before it felt like I was living my life through his.  I'm regaining power and it feels good to feel in control of your emotions.