Taking Care of Me...
Realized yesterday during a long drive that I need to put more focus on taking care of myself. Funny thing is that after I got home from that drive, somebody (a man whom I respect and listen to) basically told me the same thing.
My Plan:
1. Forget about healthy sex issues cuz I don't want to attract the wrong attention from males.
2. Focus my healing on family/friends of addicts and codependency because this is where the biggest pain is from my past relationships. It painful and disgusting to realize that your husband (my ex) was more devoted to a bottle of alcohol than he was to me. It was like he had an affair with another woman but her name was Colt 45. I was always in second place behind that other relationship and unfortunately when those two were together, I was told/yelled at actually that I was no good, couldn't do anything right, that I was boring, and about everything else you can imagine. He got in an irrational rage and often threatened to kill me. WTF??!! I kept hoping it would get better. Had to keep my head straight to protect my safety which meant that I could not comfortably drink alcohol ever with someone like this around me. Alcohol became a problem thing instead of a fun thing. He also started using heroin (apparently had a past affair with that one too) and I suspect there was more that he used because of horrible mood swings. Snowballing? Needless to say all this was depressing and often scary and I had to create a safety plan and get out which I did. YAY! So glad I did. After that, kept getting in relationships with other addicts. Addictions included drugs or gambling. Basically, these relationships involved nothing but lies, chaos or stupid drama and a huge financial loss for me. Along with a lot of heartache and anger. Nothing good for me, that is for sure. So I stopped dating. Again I am glad I did. I am happy alone. Had a brief relationship with a NICE guy who didn't drink ANY alcohol or anything. He was totally straight and still a fun person. I was happy to spend time with him. He wasn't ready for a serious relationship and actually spends all his free time with his kids. I respect that . We sometimes text to say hi still. Haven't dated anyone else since then. Feel like I broke a pattern of those bad kinds of relationships. I want to be with a good man whom I can enjoy life with. If not, I am happy being alone. I don't want to be placed second behind a bottle of alcohol or any chemical again. It would be nice to be able to enjoy a nice drink with a good man :)
3. Take care of my body today and every day through my strength training routine and walk/jogs again starting today.
4. Continue healthy eating, good skin care, hair care, etc. and really working to take care of myself physically and emotionally. Gotta get busy with it now :)
My Plan:
1. Forget about healthy sex issues cuz I don't want to attract the wrong attention from males.
2. Focus my healing on family/friends of addicts and codependency because this is where the biggest pain is from my past relationships. It painful and disgusting to realize that your husband (my ex) was more devoted to a bottle of alcohol than he was to me. It was like he had an affair with another woman but her name was Colt 45. I was always in second place behind that other relationship and unfortunately when those two were together, I was told/yelled at actually that I was no good, couldn't do anything right, that I was boring, and about everything else you can imagine. He got in an irrational rage and often threatened to kill me. WTF??!! I kept hoping it would get better. Had to keep my head straight to protect my safety which meant that I could not comfortably drink alcohol ever with someone like this around me. Alcohol became a problem thing instead of a fun thing. He also started using heroin (apparently had a past affair with that one too) and I suspect there was more that he used because of horrible mood swings. Snowballing? Needless to say all this was depressing and often scary and I had to create a safety plan and get out which I did. YAY! So glad I did. After that, kept getting in relationships with other addicts. Addictions included drugs or gambling. Basically, these relationships involved nothing but lies, chaos or stupid drama and a huge financial loss for me. Along with a lot of heartache and anger. Nothing good for me, that is for sure. So I stopped dating. Again I am glad I did. I am happy alone. Had a brief relationship with a NICE guy who didn't drink ANY alcohol or anything. He was totally straight and still a fun person. I was happy to spend time with him. He wasn't ready for a serious relationship and actually spends all his free time with his kids. I respect that . We sometimes text to say hi still. Haven't dated anyone else since then. Feel like I broke a pattern of those bad kinds of relationships. I want to be with a good man whom I can enjoy life with. If not, I am happy being alone. I don't want to be placed second behind a bottle of alcohol or any chemical again. It would be nice to be able to enjoy a nice drink with a good man :)
3. Take care of my body today and every day through my strength training routine and walk/jogs again starting today.
4. Continue healthy eating, good skin care, hair care, etc. and really working to take care of myself physically and emotionally. Gotta get busy with it now :)
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